I listened to it again, feeling entirely conflicted. The entire point of this was to get some space, but even though he was over 700 miles away, it still felt like he was right in the room with me. I turned around to see Jess putting the new clothes we’d inadvertently bought in her wardrobe, and I walked over to her.
“Jess?”
She spun and raised an eyebrow. I handed her the phone, and pressed play.
He…y Alyssa. All those times I wished… you were dead, I take them all back. This has been one of the… the hardest weeks of my life. I’m sorry for everything I put you through, I will never do anything like that to you again, just please… please come back. This is so hard; I thought it would be easier than this. But it’s not, it’s really not. This is probably how shit you felt every time… every time I’d hurt you, but it hurts. And I’m sorry. I’m so selfish, but that’s why I’m calling you. To tell you that I miss you so much.
“He sent this today?”
“Right now, when we were out.”
“Well, then I guess it’s good you didn’t take your phone with you.”
I stared at her in shock.
“What do you mean?”
“Are you telling me you’ve forgiven him or something?”
I paused, her question knocking me off guard. I didn’t know if I had or not. It wasn’t easy to forgive him after everything he put me through, but for some reason, I really wanted to. I just wanted us to go back to normal, and it seemed that if it meant forgiving him for all he put me through, I guess I was willing to do it.
“You have got to be kidding me,” she said, shaking her head.
“Jess, no…”
“No, you know what? I thought I’d finally got my best friend back. He’s the entire reason you ignored me for years, and now you’re just going to take him back?!” she yelled.
“Why does this feel like it’s more than just about Ross and I?” I questioned.
She hesitated, crossing her arms.
“What are you trying to say?”
“I’m trying to say that you want me to be angry at Ross so that you can get your own back for me not talking to you,” I replied.
“I’m not that self-centred,” was her cool response.
“It’s ok to say that that’s why you’re doing it. I get it, I really hurt you. But I would prefer you to tell me that instead of just doing stuff like this,” I said softly.
She looked at me, before pulling me in for a hug. I cuddled up to her, and she held me tightly, not saying anything.
“I’m sorry. You are so right, that’s exactly why I’m doing this. I want you to hate him, and make me feel better about this whole thing, but I know it’s not going to happen. It’s pretty clear to see that you want to forgive him, because you just want him back. And I want that to happen, I really do, but I don’t want you to leave me again,” she confessed.
“And you didn’t just tell me because..?”
“I don’t like expressing what I feel. I didn’t want to just say that I felt jealous of how close you’re getting to him.”
“Well, next time, just say. Or don’t. I’ll still work out what you’re feeling,” I teased.
She laughed, and released me.
“So now, why don’t you call him back?”
“Should I?”
“At least see what he says. He can’t hurt you when you’re so far away from each other.”
“Good point.”
I took my phone and dialled his number, and sat down on the bed, putting it on speaker. She came and sat next to me, as we waited for him to pick up.
“Hello?” we heard.
“Ross?”
“Ali,” he breathed. “You didn’t pick up my call earlier, I was worried.”
“I’d gone out. Why did you call?”
“Ali, oh my God, I’m just starting to understand how hard it is without you. Even before, I could at least see you every day. Now, I can’t do that either. And it sucks, because I miss you.”
“Ross, you brought this upon yourself,” I said.
“I know, and I’m sorry,” he said, his voice cracking, giving away how upset he really was.
I sighed.
“It’s ok. But, you might as well get used to it, Ross. I’m happy here.”
“But I’m not.”
I ship Alyssa with Jess more than I do with Ross tbh. #sorrynotsorry
Baby looked so on point a few days ago at the KCA's, it was hot af.
QOTD: single or taken?
AOTD: single, and probably will stay like that for a while.
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Complicated (R.S.L/ R5)
Fanfiction"Why'd you have to go make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else, gets me frustrated." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alyssa has been best friends with Ros...
