Complicated (R.S.L/ R5)

Chapter 6

It's been a few days and I've been avoiding the Lynch's. Rydel's noticed and tried texting me a few times, but I've been ignoring her. My phone started ringing, yet again, so I decided to pick up.

"Hi. How come you keep calling?"

"Because Alyssa, you haven't come over in a few days. I miss you."

"Rydel, I can't come over. Seeing your brother is too painful."

"Fine, so don't come through the door. Come through the window in the roof."

I shivered, remembering how many times Ross had done that. Our roof's were connecting and they had a window through which we could enter each other's houses. Ross and I used to do this all the time when we were younger, as the windows were in our rooms.

"Alyssa?"

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry, I zoned out. Fine, I'll come, but are you sure Ross isn't there?"

"I'm positive. Just come over."

"Ok. See you in 5."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up and sighed, not wanting to go over, but feeling forced to. I decided to tidy myself up a bit since the past few days I had been resting to recover from what Ross had done to me a few days ago. When I was finally ready, I climbed out the window and walked across the roof, praying Ross had left the window open. Since it was summer, he had, making it easy for me to climb in.

I crawled in and started walking out, when something caught my eye. It was his journal, the same one he'd had for years. I tried to ignore it, but the temptation took over and I walked over quickly and opened it to the first page. I skimmed through it, flicking through pages and checking the dates, until I got to the one I wanted.

Thursday, 15th May 2009

I seriously wish she knew how I felt about her. No matter what I do, no matter how many hints I drop, she's oblivious to how I feel about her. I wish I could just hold her, knowing she was mine. I wish I could kiss her, and make sure no one else would have her. But I can't, and it sucks, because she's all I want.

Seeing these entries made me realise how much I had hurt him a bit better. But that had never been my intention, I was simply being practical. All those people who managed to have boyfriends at 13, I don't know what the fuck their parents were doing, but good parenting wasn't one of them. I went through more pages until I found a more recent one. I scanned through the entry, before I saw something shocking.

Saturday, 4th July 2014

Everytime, everytime I hurt her, it kills me inside. But what else can I do? She's rejected me once before, I'm not willing to take the chance and open up to her again. I will never do that, no matter what happens. She hurt me so badly, I have to distance myself from her. This way we both hate each other, and there's no chance of either one of us falling in love with each other again. Wait, who am I kidding with again? She never loved me in the first place, if she had, then she wouldn't have rejected me like that. Now, all I feel for her is hatred. Nothing but hatred.

I felt tears running down my face, which splashed onto his journal. I snapped it shut, trying to ignore the harsh words I had just read. I stood there, frozen, trying to process everything. I suddenly heard footsteps, and I looked around the room, trying to find somewhere to hide. I ended up diving under the bed, breathing heavily.

I peeked out from the bottom, seeing Ross come in and put his phone down on his desk, then dissapearing into the bathroom. I was contemplating whether to make a run for it when I realised the object in my hands. Shit! I forgot to put his journal down when I heard him coming! I saw Ross come out of the bathroom, and look for something on his desk.

He turned around and frowned, then started searching through the drawers. With each step he took, my heartbeat was getting faster. He looked through his cupboard, before he finally came towards the bed. I slowly tried to back up, but before I could do so, he looked under. He reached out with his hand and touched my head. He looked under and saw me curled up.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Dedicated to NoEasyLove for giving me this idea. I love you bae.

I seem to leave you guys on cliffhangers too much. Oh well.

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