I ignore the fact that he's on my porch. Standing up. I ignore him because I hate him right now and I want to cry hard in my room. Or in the shower. I don't know yet but I've been holding back tears the entire day.
The entire day of stupid video of him kissing me in the lockers last night. I don't understand how things can go so downhill. Who would do it. I ditched for the first time today. I don't think people knew it was him. I was glad to be covering the back of his neck to show that snake head. While he had his tongue down my throat.
I don't know how such a moment can be turned to so much bad. And it was the caption.
The caption was the worst.
"Daddy's little slut. How does one sleep with an older man with a parent as an officer after mommy had died."
I don't want the school to think of me that way. Eight seconds. Eight seconds of him holding him against the lockers. Eight seconds of him kissing on my neck and lips.
"You do realize my life is initially over. I'm a slut."
"And you're calm, as if you can actually risk having another case on your hands only this time it's with a minor. The same minor who wrote an entire statement to have you locked up to begin with."
"The same one who you've been going around with threatening. The same one that's—"
I breathe.
I'm screaming and look crazy.
"Serena."
"Don't say my name. Please."
Deep breathes.
"Please go."
"When you start breathing correctly."
"I can't when you're in the same room as me , get out. I already told you I don't want to see or talk to you. You came back to see if I'm okay. Then did ... that seduction. I can't think when you're around. You keep telling me Alyssa is the problem when it's you."
"You murder. You run. You move drugs. You're the reason there's always dead bodies because of some stupid street war. How do I explain to anyone that I've been involved with you as if it's not a death sentence."
Breathe.
It's so hard to. How even can I?
"I don't know how to think straight around you." I repeat.
"I don't either Serena."
I love how he says my name but hate it at the same time. It sounds calming from his lips, not harsh. Maybe it's to keep him calm as well. Or I'm just overthinking it all.
"My dad is going to kill me."
My worst fear is my dad getting sick of me and sending me to another home. He didn't want me to begin with, and I know he loves me but it's always in the back of my mind.
"He isn't going to know, can you please not overthink this." He steps closer to me. I step back. I can't be close to him. I really want to.
There's a silence.
"I can't ever kiss you again." The words hurt me. "Good." Is all I can say. I forget about the video. I want him to take it back. I want to feel his lips on mine. I just want to feel him. I don't care how.
"I'll handle it. Nothing is going to happen." He assures. I just nod. He's putting his hand on the side of my neck and he's bringing me closer to his chest.
"You can trust me."
"Let me trust you too." He kisses my cheek. Not once. But leaves a slow trail off kisses till he hits the corner of my mouth. Again my lips are parting for him.
He steps back at that instant. I force a weak smile. And he leaves.
He leaves.
He's always leaving.
