School started. It's been a week since his encounter again. I only focus on school. My dad has bought me my own car. I'm okay. I've made friends that are like me. Alyssa was my best friend. He took that. I don't want to hate her. But I'm not oblivious. It makes sense. I just wish she told me how she felt before trying to ruin my life. Before she did ruin my life. I'm walking up the concrete to my stairs after hanging with Reya. It's a Saturday. We went out to eat dinner. My dad isn't home. But Marcelo is there in my porch. He stands up and I keep walking ignoring that he is there. I have so many questions. I think I deserve for them to be answered. I deserve so much more then what he's given me. So I go and sit down. He sits down as well. The sun has just set so it isn't really dark out yet.
"Why didn't you tell me you were a father?"
"I don't tell anyone that."
"You could've told me."
He knows he could've.
"Tell me why you killed her."
"Alyssa had a brother I murdered ."
"Ty or Tyler doesn't matter."
"He was a year older then me, we went to the same high school. He was somewhat the boss too. We lived on different sides of town."
"At sixteen I got a girl pregnant, she had twins. A boy and girl. I didn't like her but she's still the mother of my kids. I made sure no one knew..till this day. I cared about her. Too much. I never loved her but still. When you have a daughter it makes you think no one else is good enough for her. Friends, guys, even fucking family. It's just different I don't know. "
"Tyler found out because the bitch was never the one to stay on one guy. She okayed right into his trap so he can get to me. He killed her and that's when things got worse."
"I killed his closest friend. That triggered him. He used her to get to me. I should've just killed him from then."
"I was confused why he wasn't doing anything for the next two years. I had my priorities. Just my kids. That's it."
"Maybe a week after you saw me kill that cashier. I went home , usually I leave them with this woman who watches them. She's the closest person I trust to watch them. She was dead. And it was just quiet. I remember just seeing her lifeless. He killed her but left him."
"I didn't care if I got caught once I found him. I made sure to ruin him."
"I killed her because she wanted to kill you first. But she's still new to this life, and she's not that good at covering her tracks. She's smart. But it wasn't enough."
"Why did you come back?"
"Why did you leave to begin with?"
"I had to. For awhile at least."
"I think it's been over awhile."
"It was better to stay away from you either way." He looks over at me. I do the same. I hate him.
"You don't love me do you." I don't even ask. It's a statement. I think i needed to hear it out loud more then anything. So when he doesn't say a word everything finally becomes clear.
I want to be angry. Feel anything else then sadness. Yet I can't. It hurts too much to even let it in. I don't care if I look like a vulnerable idiot.
"Define love Serena. Because if you're going to tell me your romantic definition then no."
Marcelo POV
"Have you ever been in love?" She asks.
"No."
"How does one know if someone is even the one." I finally engage. Her eyes light seeing I'm not just being quiet. But it's because I want to hear her thoughts. I could careless about mine. I want to hear her talk. About everything.
"I think when you love someone...platonically or romantically. Or just anyway you feel it. That no matter what there is a sense of connection and feelings that are their. And it's usually when they are gone."
"Romantically?" My thumb brushes against her cheek carefully.
"Everything you do would revolve around them. Your intentions are genuine to theirs, and no one can really make you see them different. You should feel safe with them."
She stops talking.
"I think."
You think? You stuff yourself in romance books.
Serena you know.
I want to ask her about why she reads so many fucking books. I want to get to know her. And that's the issue. I'm in bed with her. Then my mind starts thinking again. I remove my hand off her face and sit up on the edge of the bed.
Fuck. I close my eyes and take a short breathe before standing up. She isn't looking at me. I can feel her overthinking. Or staring at something else trying not to analyze why I'm getting up. I could give her an explanation. Yet I don't owe her anything. She needs to knows that. Yet if I keep breaking boundaries she'll be confused. But she's already confused because I can't stop looking at her like I want to fuck her.
That was after the party. She was drunk. And I just wanted her mind off everything. Anything to distract her from the fact she was just raped.
Serena POV
"I don't." The silence is now filled with two simple words that just rang off his lips. As if he couldn't make things worse. I needed protection from him. He's the one who turned my life into this complicated ongoing roller coaster.
"Me neither." The words fall from my lips hoping for anything more from him. Yet when I look over I see the same emotionless eyes. While mine are full of dispair.
"I'm leaving."
I smile. A weak forced smile. "That's good." No it's not.
He doesn't say a word back. Just looks away again. I stand up from the porch. Even if there is wind . I don't think anything can dry these tears tonight. I want to look back. Look back at him. I counted in my head. By seconds. How long it would take for him to come to his senses. But when I closed the door behind me. Standing near it. Nothing. Just the engine of his car.
I don't know how someone can start something without ever finishing it. Maybe that's how my journal entries are.
