an alternate universe where sayaka isn't so lucky in her fall from the tower of doors.
content warnings: death, depression, language, suicide attempt, substance abuse
(Listen to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFvx32SjAtE)
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𝒌𝒊𝒓𝒂𝒓𝒊 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒐𝒃𝒂𝒎𝒊
It was about 3:30pm, so the school day was almost done. I had tons of meetings to drag myself through. One was on what to do about a second-year's life plan. One was about the donations made to the school for gambling. Same old, same old.
It was harder than usual to drag myself through these meetings, though. Without her. I was without her to bring me my meals from the cafeteria. I was without her accompanying me, staying by my side through those meetings- so I knew I had an ally in the room. Without her, I felt like much more of the Satan that everybody made me out to be.
Because without Sayaka Igarashi, I didn't have my humanity.
That one bit that made me realize all those life plans I issued, all those gambles I destroyed people's lives with, all those snide insults I sprung upon my dear cousins, that couldn't live in harmony with me- was now gone.
Loving Sayaka had made me vulnerable, but I suppose in a good way. So why did that need to cease to exist?
Why?
Alone in the councilroom, attempting to drown my sorrows in Ceylon Dimbula tea, the door opened. I sat up straighter, and tried to mask the sadness in my eyes. A man with dark hair and kind navy eyes, and a woman with dark purple hair and intelligent gray eyes met my gaze.
"Excuse me?" The man asked. He held a small leather notebook in his hands. "Are you President Kirari Momobami?"
"That would be me." I stood up, calmly striding over, masking my voice from all emotion.
"M-my name is Botan Igarashi," the man's voice wavered, filled to the brim with grief. "And t-this is my wife, Sara." I immediately knew them. They were... Sayaka's parents.
I bowed to them, gulping hard. "My condolences. I... knew your daughter." Knew was an understatement. Loved could have been one also.
"U-uhm, well Sayaka wanted you to have this, Miss President." Sara stepped forward, tugging the notebook free from her husband's hands. She ran over and pressed it into mine. The feeling of cool leather was soothing on my palms, but it only made me recognize how fast my heart was beating.
This was one of Sayaka's old notebooks. I would always see her writing in it furiously, and when I would look over she would close it with vigor. And now I would get to see what she wrote in it. But for all the wrong reasons.
"Thank you, and I'm sorry again... about your loss." I apologized, my grip tightening on the book. The two bowed for customary respect, and left. I sat down at my desk, and opened the book to the first page.
And I was in for quite the surprise to see what was on the pages.
Dearest President,
Today was your gamble with Yumeko Jabami. Gah, I can't stand that woman. She's a complete scourge, always dragging people into her trivial frenzies.
But what I can't stand about her the most is how she grabbed your attention in a split second; when I've never in the two years I've known you.
When you two decided the stakes- she who lost would never come back to Hyakkaou, I wanted to bury myself in a hole and die. What if you had lost? I don't know what I'd do... but let's not think about that.
But that shine in both your and Jabami-san's eyes... how come you two understand each other? It's... just beyond me. President, I'll never understand you. You simply are so alluring to me with your illogical actions and coy smile.
When Jabami-san chose a plus-one Tarot card, I gasped in relief. She was off to such a pathetic start, I thanked my lucky stars.
And you, with a mischievous glint in your eye, chose the plus-21 card. It was simply incredible. How do you do that? Are you Lady Luck herself? Your beauty, of course, rivals hers.
I ran to you in relief, and you... hugged me. You, the President, held my pathetic and limp body like a rag doll and comforted me. The sweet scent of your jasmine perfume was intoxicating my senses, and I was about to turn into a puddle of liquid. It was one of the best moments of my life. You, holding me, like I've always dreamed.
Thank you, President, for winning and staying with me for a while longer. I want to stay by your side forever, so this buys me some time.
With eternal love,
Sayaka
Doubling over, being wracked with sobs, I cried and cried and cried. My body curled around the precious notebook. I would never lay an eye on Yumeko for as long as I lived, only if Sayaka would come back to me. My Sayaka, always filled with reason and logic, I caused her pain. Me.
