an alternate universe where sayaka isn't so lucky in her fall from the tower of doors.
content warnings: death, depression, language, suicide attempt, substance abuse
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𝒌𝒊𝒓𝒂𝒓𝒊 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒐𝒃𝒂𝒎𝒊
Where the fuck are they?
My pills and my flask! Where the hell are they? I put them in my and Ririka's cabinet, and now they're missing. Gone.
I slumped down to sit on the closed toilet seat. I hung my head in between my knees, digging my nails into my scalp. Blue nail polish was likely getting into my hair, but I didn't care.
I needed them! I needed them to function- to eat, sleep, sign stupid fucking paperwork, be the stupid fucking President, and do my schoolwork. They let my demons rest, like a tranquilizer for the beasts that preyed inside of my mind. They let my screwed-up thoughts vanish, like a figure walking through fog at night. They were lost in the haze, the serene oblivion in which the substances provided.
The haze was what I needed. I was so fucking weak, I knew, but I needed them to keep going. To keep breathing.
Without it, they came back. I clenched my eyes tightly, to keep the tears from pouring down my face. But it was to no avail. They still came, creating a salty sheen on my sallow cheeks.
The demons, the thoughts, the remembrance of Sayaka's smile. It all would fucking rush back. I would be paralyzed.
And yet nobody cared.
Ririka still had Mary. Yumeko still had Ryota. Kaede still had Sumeragi. Midari had Yuriko. Runa had Yumemi. My cousins had each other. Hell, the fucking elders had each other for support, whatever it might be.
Everybody still had each other.
Except for me.
It would have been Sayaka. It would have been her. I gritted my teeth, gripping my platinum locks tighter, so tight I thought it would draw blood.
I couldn't take it anymore. Walking through everyday brainlessly, the time passing by, weeks and months- they were meaningless to me.
I wished there would be no more "everyday" for me. No more weeks and months. Just no pain. Take it all away, God, Jesus, any deity, please.
Sayaka was in Heaven, now, living among the angels. She was an angel. My angel. I wanted... to see her again.
