For your love

Anxiety attack

On the ride up to the teams floor Evie stood there lost in thought about her and Pepper's conversation. She didn't like that she felt.. she couldn't even describe the feeling. All she knew was she didn't like it. Tugging at her jacket Evie tossed her purse onto the floor of the elevator and ripped the offending material off of her. She couldn't breathe. Tugging at the buttons on her blouse she opened them up and squatted down on her heels hanging onto the railing. Closing her eyes only made it worse.

All she could see was Pierce standing over her whispering. Whispering, always whispering as he watched as they broke her telling her that she was going to be the perfect asset if it was the thing he did. Of Rumlow beating her down over and over as he taught her how to fight. Images of people bloody and begging her to stop. Dead eyes staring up at her as she stood over them breathing heavily feeling massively conflicted because she was glad they were dead and not her family.

Her stomach roiled as the sensory memory of the smell of blood hit her. Clamping her hand over her mouth she tried to breathe, but she gagged. Emptying the contents of her stomach she retched over and over until there was nothing left of her breakfast. Bucky's arms coming around her and his concerned voice let her know she'd reached the team's floor. "Doll, what happened? God, you're shaking like a leaf."

He was right her whole body was vibrating with her anxiety and disgust for what she'd done. She couldn't seem to stop, she wanted him to hold her but she felt tainted. Pushing him away she scrambled away from him as far as the elevator would allow. Hunched down Evie wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her face into her knees. Rocking back and forth as her anxiety skyrocketed. She couldn't do this, she was a fraud and everyone could see it. Pepper was right. She was dangerous and would hurt Tony and everyone else around her.

Her flight mode activated. Jumping up she rushed past Bucky out of the confining space. She vaguely hears him calling out to JARVIS to get Tony and to call her brother as she kicks off her heels to be able to run faster. Evie blindly runs towards the stairs banging open the door and begins her ascent. The sound of Bucky's feet on the stairs and his panic filled voice spurs her on even faster. "Evie, wait! Let me help you."

Ignoring him she continues up until she sees the door to the roof. Slamming into it she races outside feeling the fast wind whipping at her hair and clothes. People watch as she runs through the quinjet's hangar with him hot on her heels. Just as she was about to reach the edge Bucky wraps his arms around her pulling her back. Keeping his arms banded around her he slowly backs them away from the edge. Evie's fight response kicked in at the feeling of being held down.

Kicking her legs out she swings her body so that she twists in his arms before bringing back her arm to form a fist and punches him hard in the face. She hits him over and over using every bit of her training to get him to release her, but he doesn't. Not once does he let up on his hold or fight back. He just keeps repeating the same thing over and over. "It's okay I'm here. Evie, it's okay."

Screaming at him to let her go she finally was able to slip out of his grip. Now that she had better leverage she attacks him with a fury that she hadn't felt before. In her subconscious she knew she shouldn't be doing this. That she loves this man, but something in her just snapped. Blocking her kicks and punches Bucky still refused to hit her back. Crying she yells at him to just let her die. "No, I can't let you hurt yourself. I love you, please don't leave me like this."

His words instantly stop her. Dropping down to her knees she looks up at him really seeing him. His handsome face was bruised and bleeding because of her. Staring down at her hands that had his blood decorated along the knuckles she held them up for him to see. "How can you love me? Look at what I did to you. I'm no good for you, Blue. They're all right about me. I'm too dangerous. I should be locked up far away from everyone."