𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

11

•Beomgyu's diary :

"That marked my last day with you. After days of sharing our happiness and sadness together, it also marked the first time I have ever lied to you. But it is for the greater good. During the time we have spent together, I think I have never really appreciated or thanked you enough for your existence in my life. Ever second I spent with you were, are and will always undoubtedly be the best part of my life.

I really don't know if there is a chance for us to meet again but I hope there is. I would want a last chance for me to clear the misunderstandings I created. Even if our feelings fade away by then, even if the already existing rift of power and prestige between us increase even more, even if you find another significant other for yourself who will love and cherish you better than me, - I would still shamelessly confess I loved you, I really did! I am such a fool for not taking the first steps, for not understanding anything about the importance of you and your love in my life, for not understanding 'us' fully. I am sorry for not loving you properly. I am sorry for hurting you but it didn't hurt me any less!

You once said, "People don't stay forever, Beomgyu. But memories do. You should always treasure these little memories." And I am, believe me. The maple tree is a lot bigger and older now, middle school kids can't climb it anymore like we used to. I have sixteen kittens to take care of now. The amusement park is still intact, just that it has provided a shelter to a lot more greenery. I'm not complaining though, just that removing the mosses while renovating it later would be a hassle. But I am afraid of the town promoters finding this land. I think we can't really keep our promise for a longer time till they transform this into buildings and malls. I still diligently wear the watch that you repaired for me everyday. It makes me feel as if you're beside me.

I just sounded like a total obsessed maniac, didn't I? You made me like this. But don't worry, that's not a complaint, I am glad that you did. I often visit your studio and sit there for hours, humming the knowing lines of "I hate this part, paper hearts and I'll hold a piece of yours. Don't think I would just forget about it, hoping that you won't forget about it." But what if you did? I can't blame you, I took all the measures I could to make you hate and despise me,, how can I still hope for a place in your heart?

The field of dandelions surrounding the maple tree often remind me of you. You would sit beside me, close your eyes and feel the breeze on your face. And your smile would widen while it ruffled your hair. You would look so peaceful and serene it would make my heart flutter but I would mistake it for a feeling between "best friends". I would always buy you low quality teacakes for your birthday and would feel ashamed of myself for not being able to afford better things but you would give me a warm hug and say that it was the thought and love behind it that mattered. I would bring dandelions instead of candles since the shopkeeper won't let a minor buy them. You would happily blow on the perfectly round dandelions which I picked and chose the best out of all for over an hour. The search won't tire me our since the glow of happiness on your face later was all worth it.

The way you would always lend me a shoulder when I needed to cry,, and a listening ear when I needed to share my victories - it made me feel so accepted and loved which I had never felt in the snarky remarks of other kids in the orphanage or the school. I never knew I would crave for something so much all day all night till we had our first kiss in your studio. I sound like such a pervert but if I remember correctly, it was your title. Guess, it rubbed off on me.

Arin has repeatedly told me this was unhealthy and that I should move on. But I couldn't. Every damn thing reminds me of you, do you feel the same way too? Oh you sure don't, I had planted a seed of hatred for me in your heart two years ago and it is bound to grow with time. Are you pursuing your dreams? Have you become even cooler with studying in the States? Have you become even more beautiful? Are you doing good? Do you still think of me?

I wish I say this directly to you without cowardly writing in my diary but I am really scared to face you. Even if I did wrote just a while ago that I would confess the truth to you,, maybe when I actually meet you I would be a stuttering mess and would run away just like I did 'that' day.

My only wish is your happiness."

___

I think no fluff for this episode as well 🐰❤

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