You remind me of my favorite ice cream
The one I always ordered
The one I couldn't go without with
The thing is, the funny thing about that?
Is that sooner or later it gets tiring having it
I got tired of your excuses.
I got tired of your lies
I was infuriated that you could never give me an answer or listened...
My least favorite was on days where I wanted it to taste like it did on days I craved it.
You'd prefer my silence, you'd enjoy seeing me in tears as I waited for you.
I hated that ice cream.
I thought we...
That it knew how to calm me & nurture me on days of missteps
Truth is, He only made me feel crazy.
Crazy for asking, crazy for wanting.
Always over the smallest of things.
I remember when I throw it out.
My favorite ice cream..
I went to the store & picked it up one last time
Paid 5.89 for it.
Drove back home & sat there in my car wondering when
"Read" would turn into "I miss you", "I need to see you", "I understand now" and that "it's too long to read or will take time to understand" would be talked about.
I got a nice little thumbs up.
I opened the tub of my chocolate chip cookie dough and ate as much as I could
Only to feel nothing.
I threw it in the garbage with all our pictures...
picked up my keys and went to a café.
I sat there over and over again.
& little by little lost hope.
Don't get me wrong, moments where I got more than three words filled me up & excited me.
(It turned into hours.)
You see, as you read this.
It was never me & my ice cream.
It was never my wanting of seeing you
Or being that was the problem.
Nor my "behavior"
It was never my mood or my never willing
I was more than willing.
It was always you, it's always been you.
The excuse of me & my favorite ice cream?
Was just your way of driving me insane.
Of making me feel torn down of never finding it.
I don't mind it anymore, if I don't find it.
If you read this and a girl is stuck on your neck.
I don't mind being "that needy girl."
I don't mind that you'll never read this.
I mind that my favorite ice cream is lost somewhere
Somewhere where I should be
Where I am there with my chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream smiling
happy
And filled with love
& I'm infuriated that you? Never had anything to say.
-m.j.h.
YOU ARE READING
(Poetry)Beginning of The Unknown.
PoetryThis is a collection of short stories or as I like to call them poems. Although, they are dark and yet pure and soft. I hope you're able to remember moments of kindness and happiness. I thank you for the opportunity of sharing these moments with you...
