(Poetry)Beginning of The Unknown.

Dear You,

If you ever read anything

Anything of mine, I hope it's those like these

The ones where I'm allowed a space and time

To tell you everything where there's nothing left to say

Ones where you find the closure I never had

I don't blame you, at least not as I used to.

But, in moments where I lose myself to a place

I can't seem to exist in

I can't help to think of it all & how sad it must've been to know I'd do anything for someone like you.

I sometimes wish I'd been more independent just like you were.

But my eyes knew just as they know now who you are & what you're capable of.

I'd like to think it's my fault for allowing distance to grow.

I thought that would give the time needed

To gather thoughts, not seduce your way up to someone new.

I never really knew that everywhere you went you'd just find someone new.

I just wanted to mean something to someone for once. To someone like you.

Maybe I'm just as guilty as you.

I wanted to idealize something that isn't real

To make it real.

I thought that loving was just simply giving and receiving with little things to add on to.

But it's never enough for one.

Not enough for you.

I envy how you're so free of everything

And it never

Keeps you up at night.

Do you know how unworthy it makes people feel to live with a guilt that isn't yours?

To walk around with the idea that maybe you're the one to blame, maybe I did something wrong in it all.

Maybe I said hi differently to the boy that said hello first.

And all these possibilities get me no where

Nowhere but an empty feeling.

I just wanted to be held by you

In moments of deception

In moments of my lows

But anytime I needed you close

You'd disappear.

I just wanted one moment

Where your arms held me

But you left a hole in a place I can't seem to patch up.

I just needed you

Like you needed me & how I was there

But you? You were never there.

My letters, still there for you.

But tonight, I just ask you

For once.

Let me hold on to you.

If you ever read anything of mine

Wherever you may be.

I know the feeling & I could never hate you.

I'm here. 

-m.j.h.