if by chance | ✓

31 | 'tis the damn season

[ 31 ]

C O R A

✦

"And this is how you toss the beans --- look at the pan Cora you're so distracted" My mother scolds, swatting me gently in the arm. I pass her a sheepish smile, returning my focus to the green beans. It had been over a week now that I had had a heart to heart with her. Although it had been pretty tense in the beginning, involving a lot of ugly crying and dry laughs, we managed to talk through it. Like we were supposed to, like two mature grown adults perfectly capable of sorting things out.

Present time, she was teaching me how to make a green bean casserole, since Christmas was just around the corner and I wanted to make something special this year. Partly because Dad's birthday coincided with Christmas Eve and partly because I'd love to add to my cooking skills (I sucked at cooking, not gonna lie).

"By the way, Noah's gonna be late tonight" I inform, leaning against the kitchen counter. The cold stone slab felt like an icicle cutting through the sliver of my skin that was exposed as I hurriedly adjust my crop sweater in reflex.

"Another date?" She asks, cocking up an eyebrow.

"Haha no,"  I grin, adding some pepper to the almost cooked beans, "He has partnered with Rhys for this Anatomy project this semester and knowing Rhys, he's probably not gonna let him go until its perfect."

"You should learn something from your boyfriend" Mom jokes and I return her a half-smile.

There's a moment of silence in which she pauses to look at me, the mom-instinct probably signaling her that something didn't feel right. I pick at my fingernails, freshly painted cherry red for the holidays. An unexpected wave of sadness washes over my chest and I wonder if it was because Rhys had hesitantly hugged me the other day instead of kissing my lips or it was because I couldn't really say he was my boyfriend or not. Really, what are we?

"I thought you two were good" My mother blurts out, as if on cue.

"Yeah ... yeah, we're totally good, why you ask?" I mumble, tearing my gaze apart. I pour myself a glass full of water, not only to quench my thirst but also to avoid the scrutinizing look Mom gives me as she shreds the cheese.

"I know that Cora, but maybe you shouldn't include the word totally because you're clearly trying to skip this conversation" She sighs, her periwinkle blue orbs glistening from the lights overhead, "Maybe you should --- I think that's your phone." She stops mid-sentence, gesturing towards my pajama pockets.

I hadn't noticed the device vibrating until now and I rush to answer it, thanking God for saving me the awkwardness of having that conversation with mom.