In Flames Extras

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SPOILERS FOR LAST NIGHTS EP

The door slammed behind her and shook just slightly in its frame until a hand reached out and pressed against it to quiet its rattle. Mariana rested her forehead against the wood and inhaled a long, slow breath.

"I can't say I blame him," she finally said through the stifling silence. Her husband let out a frustrated grunt and sat down on the love seat next to their bed. She turned and regarded him coolly before shaking her head.

"You almost died, Eddie."

"I know. God, I know. You don't have to keep rubbing it in my face."

She threw her hands up in defeat. "How am I rubbing it in your face?"

Eddie waved a dismissive hand at her and then ran his hands over his face and through his hair, tugging at the roots in frustration. Mariana crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the door as she waited for his answer.

"I've let this go on for far too long, Eddie," she said quietly. "I don't...I don't know how to put into words the fear that I hold everyday when you go into work and I'm not by your side."

He looked up at her, his eyes searching for any sign of teasing or playfulness. But instead he was greeted with a sheen of tears coating her brown eyes.

"I can't keep doing this," Mariana choked out. "Sometimes I lie awake at night and just listen to you breathe because it's the only thing I can do to reassure myself that you're still there. You didn't die. I didn't have to bury you next to the rest of my family. And I feel so selfish to say that I wish that we had never met like this so that I wouldn't have to watch you go to work knowing that it might be the last time I ever see you.

"I can't keep pretending that I'm okay when I can still feel your blood on my hands sometimes. I scrub my hands until they're raw but I still...fuck, I felt your heart beat slow down, Eddie. You told me you loved me and that would have been the last words I would have ever heard and you can't do that! You can't put me through that again! I'm so scared of what will happen if I lose you, not just for the kids but for me! I will shatter. I will break. I am hanging on by a thread right now, just waiting for it to unravel and everything to fall apart. You said that if you lost me, it would break you. If I lost you, Eddie Diaz, I would simply cease to exist."

Mariana stopped to suck in a sharp breath when she saw that his head was bowed and his shoulders shook. Eddie let out a sob and buried his head in his hands. She carefully scratched her nails through his short hair and let him rest his head against her stomach.

"I'm scared," he admitted through the tears building in his throat.

She sank to her knees and he slid off the chair, catching her and pulling her into him. Mariana clutched him tightly to her, her fingers clawing for purchase on his back. Their tears mixed together, soaking the collars of their shirts and glazing across their cheeks.

"We end up in this position a lot," he murmured. She let out a choked laugh and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. He shook his head and rested his cheek against her hair.

"No. I'm sorry. I was so wrapped up in my own head that I never saw how it was affecting you or the kids."

"I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this. I'm worried about the kids. I'm worried about you."

He knew what he needed to do. He knew she would hate it, but he also knew that she would understand. Eddie pressed a kiss to her forehead and stroked a thumb along her jaw before letting out a quiet exhale.

"We can figure that out later. Let's just sit like this for a bit."

Mariana nodded and kissed the spot above his heart, her fingers playing with a loose thread on his collar. She knew what he had decided to do. She hated it, but she understood.

A/N: I've had the night to think about it and I'm not worried. He'll be back with the 118 soon enough. He just needs to take time to heal.