Soldier Of Pain (Bucky Barns Fanfiction) [COMPLETED STORY]

Chapter 10 - A fire filled mess

A/N: If you didn't notice before, I wrote this so that Nat is currently dealing with the red room. (Like in the Black Widow movie).

The song above gives me MAJOUR Bucky vibes and I consider it like my theme song for him since basically every word suits him. So I just wanted to share that.

ENJOY READING! =)

Triger Warning: Slight mentions of self harm, but nothing to bad compared to the previous Chapters.

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"James, wait!" I stop him, pulling him back with my words to stop him from sitting up and leaving. "We need to talk."

I have been dreading doing this, but it needs to be done.

Bucky nods his head and takes a seat on the other side of the table.

"I'm sorry," I murmur into the tense air.

"Don't be. It's not your fault." Bucky's voice is raspy as he pushes his long hair out of his face with his only remaining hand.

"I remember. And I'm sorry," I repeat again, letting my head fall back to the wall behind me in frustration. "I hate this . . .I hate myself."

"What?" Bucky instantly stands to his feet and moves to crouch in front of me. "Please don't. Y/n, Doll, don't hate yourself because of me."

"But I do. And it's true. I keep somehow finding a way to blame you for something that wasn't your fault. And I hate myself for it. You deserve a better friend."

"No." He shakes his head. "No I don't. I did Kill them. I might not have done it consciously. But it was by my hands. I think you should blame me. You have every right to. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. Not the other way around."

I wrap my arms around him in a tight hug and he wraps his arm around me in return. "I miss them." I cry into his shoulder.

"I know. I know you do. If I could, I would do anything to bring them back for you. But I can't," He whispers.

"My brother would have really liked you," I tell him when I pull away to look into his steel blue eyes, such pain hidden behind them. Those gorgeous eyes.

"You really think that?" He asks, as if I would lie to him.

"Of course," I enunciate, moving further away from him and staring at the floor in an attempt to hide my face. "You can both be extremally over protective. So he would have hated you at first. But when he would have seen how you can be just as over protective as him, he would have slowly learned to love you as I do. You both have a lot in common actually now that I think about it."

"Tell me about your family. What where they like?" Bucky asks me after a few moments of silent thinking.

"My mother was the sweetest soul ever, and my father always had the best jokes for whenever you had a bad day. My brother. . . he was my best friend. My only friend actually," I describe. "My parents had us homeschooled, it was safer that way. They were agents for something."

"Do you know who they worked for?" He asks out of curiosity.

"No. Never told us."

"What was your brother like?" He questions once again.

"He was many things. Kind. Funny. The brightest smile in the room. Everyone loved him. He was gorgeous too, all the girls loved him. He was smart. Extremally brave. Too brave. He would do anything to protect me. He died protecting me."

"What was his name?"

"Ryan." I smile.

"I wish I could have met him."