Soldier Of Pain (Bucky Barns Fanfiction) [COMPLETED STORY]

Chapter 13 - Avoiding Love

A/N: I know I keep promising I would post one chapter a week, but it's turned out to be only once a month. It's due to a multitude of reasons, such as writers block, a lot a school work and personal drama at school. But I did try my very best to get this chapter out.

Hope you Enjoy Reading! =)

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A lot has changed over the past few weeks.

I finally got used to living with my new family, and we even act like one.

Wanda is like my older sister, which is slightly weird considering I'm a few years older then her, but she acts more mature then me most of the time.

Clint is the cool father. The one I can joke around with and we always end up doing crazy things. But he is EXTREAMLY overprotective of both Wanda and I. We both consider him our father and he considers us his daughters.

Steve's like the strict father —or more like the mother— with all his boring rules. But he cares a lot and he always goes out of his way to make sure we are all happy.

Scott has become like my brother and new best friend, the both of us constantly annoying everyone else.

Sam is like the oldest sibling, and even acts like one, he's basically the goody toe-shoes.

Vision is also like a brother, the weird robot brother. I'm not scared of him anymore and slowly over time I've learnt to trust him the way I do all the others.

After many missions, we finally found Natasha, which made the bedroom situation even more difficult.

But in the end Wanda moved in with Vision  —which Clint didn't like the idea of at first— and Natasha moved into Wanda's old bed in my room. I didn't like the idea at first either, but eventually I leaned to trust Nat as well, and now she doubles as my cool aunt and big sister.

And then there's Bucky. Unlike with all the others, somehow our relationship has only moved backwards instead of forwards. We don't talk as often as we used to, and whenever we do talk it's always so awkward. He still acts overprotective and like he needs to take care of me, but besides that, everything has changed.

The worst part about all this is, the more I try to leave Bucky alone, the more I crave him. The more I want to see him, the more I want to talk to him. Just be near him.

I guess its true that absence does make the heart grow fonder. That as soon as you loose someone you love, you really start to realize how much you truly loved that person.

Slowly I'm staring to fall in love with him, and it's scaring me. I've never loved anyone before. At least not like this. I would give anything just to hold him in my arms, to feel his skin against mine. But I can't and never will, so it's just easier to keep my distance, avoid him, and hope these feelings go away eventually.

I miss him, I really do. But I have no other choice. This is for the best.

I know this is hurting Bucky just as much as it is hurts me. He loves me. I was oblivious to it before, but now it's obvious to me, and that makes it hurt so much more. I hate seeing him hurt like this. I really hate it. I hate seeing the hurt look on his face every time I blow him off.

Everyday I train with Clint, Nat, and Steve in combat for about an hour, trying desperately to distract myself.

I'm staring to really like this new routine of mine, it's efficient.

I then train with Wanda and Vision for another hour to work on helping with my stupid powers. So far it has been unsuccessful.

Shuri and the other scientists had found a way to remove the Winter Soldier programing from both Bucky's and my minds. So we spend many days in the labs and in the fields with the Dora Milaje.