The Girl Aria (A Stray Kids Fanfiction)

Chapter 11

At least a week had passed, and by now, my curiosity was practically killing me. I was still wondering what Chan and Felix had talked about that night. Every time I tried to go to sleep, I would end up tossing and turning, my brain swelling with countless possibilities that could have been related. What company were they talking about? Was there something big I was missing or what? These nights were when I felt most homesick. Not because I missed my mother, just because I felt like I didn't belong with them. I had constant thoughts about this. thoughts like why don't I have a family, I'm not good enough, will I ever be welcome, no one loves me. But what I didn't realize was that all eight of them really did care about me no matter how many times I tried to deny the fact. It would take me awhile until I truly saw and believed it.

* * *

Lee Know came up to my room to call me for breakfast. He had started to warm up to me over these past few weeks, and if I was being honest with myself, he wasn't half bad. When I thought about it, he was actually quite humorous. His personality was hard to describe, but I went with it, as did the others. I took my time to get ready. I sat on the foot of my bed for awhile just staring out the window and down at people living their life below. I smiled warmly as I saw them busily opening up shops and getting ready for customers, greeting the others that passed. I wondered how my mom was going about her life. Was she regretting her decision of kicking me out? Or was she still happily celebrating my departure? Whatever it was, I was never going back to her no matter how much she cried or begged about it. I was going to put her in the past and move on with my life.

I dragged my feet down the stairs, sleep still set in my eyes. I gripped the cool metal of the hand railing as I took each step very carefully, afraid that my tiredness might tip me over as easy as wind blows a feather. When I became seated at the table with the others, a bowl of fruit was placed in front of me as I continued to rub at my heavy sleep-held eyes. They learned from over the past days that I struggled with eating in the morning. They new that if I ate a full meal during the early hours, I would end up feeling sick. Since I couldn't get away with not eating anything, they gave me fruit instead. I always made sure to thank them before eating because I already owed them so much. The usual constant chatter began, but I just hovered my head over my bowl, quietly listening to their rowdy conversation. They were debating over food, and believe it or not, things were getting heated, but not in an angry way, if that makes sense. A few times I almost let myself laugh. I had to admit, they were a pretty funny group of people. Not to mention a unique one.

We had been eating breakfast for awhile now. The conversation had shifted around to me somehow, and I tried to give them minimal answers, still shy around them and not fully wanting to trust them just yet. I was calm for the time being, that is, until I heard the next statement spoken by Seungmin.

"Should we send Aria to school?" I nearly lost my balance in the seat. My throat, due to my intense anxiety started to immediately close up and my vision began to blur out of focus. The shallow breaths were what really started to send me into panic mode. I clutched the end of the table with both hands, my knuckles turning white from my steel grip. School?! I hadn't been in awhile not to mention that I didn't even know Korean. I had always gotten picked on in school, so why would I want to go back and experience that again for a second time?

"I assume we probably should." Chan agreed, eyeing me s he spoke the words. I could not have imagined how pale I looked right now. My appearance must have been very distraught because they were all looking at me with a fair amount of concern plastered across all their faces.

"S-school?" I stuttered, making a fool of myself.

"Yes." Lee Know added, just as he finished his breakfast.

"But how would I learn anything? I don't know Korean." It was probably the most words I had ever spoken to them in one sentence.

"We could teach you, surely. It might take awhile but you could learn eventually." Felix chimed in. The fact that he said eventually was what frightened me. Who knew how long it would take me to learn it. What if by the time I did learn it, I might already be way behind in school, causing me to get even more picked on. I could be 17 and still be in 9th grade. All I knew was that I did not want that to be my option. If I was to learn this, I wanted to do it as soon as I possibly could.

"Then we should start right away!" I said, panic obvious in my tone that only seemed to be rising by the minute.

"You seem rather eager to learn, but I guess that's a good thing. We can start this evening if you like." Chan suggested. I nodded my head in a furious yet determined manner. Felix clapped both of his hands together in a way that implied "we've got work to do".

"This should be fun!" Felix also exclaimed. He smiled brightly at me while the others began to clean up the area.

* * *

As Chan had suggested, we started in the early evening. Lee Know, Felix, and Chan were all supposedly my teachers. Although, I had absolutely no idea why I needed three people to teach me, but perhaps that's just how they wanted things to be. They started off with the basics, and I found myself swimming in and out of focus, trying my best to concentrate on their words. It also didn't help that I kept remembering what Felix and Chan had discussed that night, and it had been eating away at me ever since. I picked harshly at my fingernails, tugging on my hair slightly, the habit that never seemed to fade. I'm sure I missed pretty much half of the lesson before I was brought back to reality.

"Now, sum up everything I just said." Chan said, the other two eyeing me and waiting for my reply. I felt as if I had just been awaken from a long trance, and my eyes darted nervously from Felix, to Chan, and then to Lee Know. For some reason I held his gaze for longer in a way that seemed to cry "Help me".

"Uhhh." Was all I replied, my voice quavering as Lee Know and I continued to almost glare at each other.

"You seem distracted by something." Felix commented, making me turn my attention to him instead.

"Just tired." Was all that my answer was. I had been using the phrase quite often, but it always got me out of the situation. But that wasn't necessarily always a good thing for me. How could I tell him I had been eavesdropping on their conversation? It would only come across as rude, and I didn't know any other way to bring it up without sounding too up front. Chan shook his head a couple of times.

"I think that's it for today. We can start again another time." I sighed quietly, feeling stress overtake me until I could almost feel nothing else except it's suffocating presence. Shakily, I was able to bring myself up to my feet. When I started to make way for my room, Lee Know grabbed my arm, but not in a rough manner.

"If there's something bothering you, please tell us." I was taken aback. He had seemed so harsh during the beginning, but I had never thought he had this side to him. I looked him up and down in a confused state.

"Sure." I replied dryly, taking my arm from him and quickly retreating back to my own private space. I knew I had come off as rude, but I didn't know how to deal with people well. I had never been a real social person, so it had always been hard for me to make "good" conversation. I locked the door tightly behind me, sliding down until I was sitting on the ground, back pressed against the door. My knees became tucked into my chest, my head resting on the top. I could feel tears starting to form, but I didn't even know why. Nothing bad had happened, but yet I still found myself emotional. I mentally beat myself up for being like this, although that was the last thing I needed right now. The bitterness returned and swept through me like a great storm. My nails dug into my pants, anger, sadness, and anxiety coursing through my veins. I forced myself to take deep breathes. Tried to hold so much air in my lungs until I could bear it no longer. It helped. A lot actually. I was already starting to calm down and I could feel those once-present emotions start to fade away like a distant memory.

The future was what needed to be prepared for. It would be tough, I already knew that. I was afraid to let someone gain my trust just so that they could kick me to the side of the road again. That happened once, and I knew for sure that I never wanted to feel that again......