The Girl Aria (A Stray Kids Fanfiction)

Chapter 29

The next day I felt like the world around me was somehow brighter, but just as confusing. After Hwan had kissed me I never said anything back to him. We both had been flustered, and I was afraid that this would only cause an awkward shift in our relationship. He took me back home soon after that and I haven't left my room since. I know a few of the boys wanted to know how it went, but the flushed pink in my cheeks could have easily given me away. I wasn't ready to open up about it quite yet.

My feelings had to be confronted whether I was ready or not. Hwan didn't deserve to be kept waiting for my response. After everything he had done for me, I should at least return him the favor by starting with telling his where our relationship stood. I wanted to give him my all, I wanted to trust him and deepen the bond, but I was scared with putting that much trust into something that might be taken away. I felt like things needed to be said to him right now, but not over text. I had the urge to speak with him in person, and that's exactly what I was going to do.

* * *

I waited patiently in the JYP studio, nervous. Hyunjin agreed to come with me to take some of the weight from Chan shoulders. He was in the dance studio next door, and agreement to give me some time to myself. I had asked him how to know which feeling to go after in hope of finding something that could decipher my situation. He told me that every person if different and that if I searched and questioned myself enough, I would find the answer in time. So what did Hwan mean to me? Was he a friend or someone more? My first reaction was that I saw him more than a friend. Not so much a brother but and anchor that held me when the storm was heavy. His presence was comforting and his voice reassuring. Nothing had even made me want to hold barrier between us. The only thing that kept me restrained was past experiences. Perhaps it was time to finally let go...to start anew.

As that decision was made, the door opened, telling me that the choice I had made was final.

* * *

As I met his his warm brown eyes, something inside me shifted. Like a voice telling me I was home, that I had found my place here in the studio with Hwan. Everyday I was discovering new emotions and feelings that had never come with my mother or father, even before hey had divorced. The road to where I am standing now had been rough, filled with many moments of doubts and obstacles, with many more to come. But it was a breaking-point. Meeting Hwan had boosted my confidence, gave me a reason for motivation, for success, for living. I had been so scared to admit it I didn't realize I would have never made it here if he never would have showed up. I owe it to him; I owe it to Stray Kids; and in a way, I owe it to mother. For all the pain she cost me, came the opportunity to escape from it all, to start again, to learn from it and gain experience to not make the same mistakes. To redefine the meaning of trust. I smiled at Hwan. Not a smirk or half smile that didn't reach the eyes, but a wholehearted one. One that ignited my true self and said all the words that I couldn't. And in this smile showed all the gratefulness and warmth. Before he could come any closer, I closed the gap, wrapping my arms around him and burring my head into the crook of his neck. He smelled of fresh linen and soft rain despite there being no storm. It made me so happy, giddy almost. He made me feel safe.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, eyes squeezed shut, soaking him in as if I was studying a photograph so I could forever hold it in my memories.

"For what?" He said, chuckling, gentle stroking my head, his fingers running through my hair. His obliviousness made me want to laugh; it was even...cute.

"Making you wait...shutting you out because I was scared. Scared to face myself and make the wrong choice." He pauses, finger mid-stroke. Our heartbeats are in sync, like we our one in this passing moment. I knew he didn't know what to say. Saying "don't be sorry" was too simple, but I wouldn't care what he said, I just wanted to let him know I was sorry.