The Girl Aria (A Stray Kids Fanfiction)

Chapter 6

(*Trigger Warning*: mentioning suicide.)

Six weeks later.......

Things had gotten tough. My luck was running out, and I didn't know if I could drag this out any longer. I had been living the same routine these past few weeks which was me basically just begging someone for food to just stay alive. Although, after a traumatizing experience, I find it hard to trust anyone now. It all started when I was in a restaurant looking for anything I could get my hands on. But of course the shop owner was aggravated with me, and I didn't understand what had made her so upset. She started to beat me rather harshly. It had reminded me too much of my mother, and I found myself having a panic attack. When she was through with me, I quickly escaped, but had bruises and scrapes all of her me from her jagged nails.

I was now currently in a back alley of some street, lost, cold, and abandoned. I bet my mother was having a grand time without me. My thoughts turned bitter for good, and suddenly I was wishing that this could be all over. Why was my life so screwed up? I hated mother, but I hated myself more. The minimum thought of my existence made me want to scream my head off. I felt so much anger I didn't even know what to do with myself. My hands curled up into fists, and I pressed them harshly against my temples, desperately wanting to escape this reality. How much longer until I fell apart once and for all? How much longer could I keep this up? My mind was blank, and I couldn't even come up with a decent answer anymore. I cursed at myself under my breath.

When was the last time I had eaten? A few days ago, maybe a week? Nevertheless, I felt weak and shaky, ready to collapse at any given minute. There was nothing that was giving me motivation, so why should I continue on like this? I don't even know what to do anymore......

* * *

It was about midday now. The sun was directly up in the sky, and a light snowfall was occurring. I didn't have any jacket to keep me warm, and the old sweater I had left the dorm with was long gone. I looked down at my hands which were red, chapped, and grimy. I clutched them tightly to my chest, taking a deep breath. Back at the dorm, I would have been enjoying the scenery of the snow falling, but now, I found it hard to appreciate anything or anyone. How much longer would I be like this? How long would my suffering continue? I would have started singing, but I didn't have enough energy. I felt light-headed, and all I wanted to do was just lay down and let sleep overtake me. But instead, I found myself on the rooftop of the parking garage, sitting right on the edge and staring out into blue sky. Why wasn't anything making me happy? Why did I feel like this. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun tingle my skin. My mother's words came rushing back into my brain, almost making me topple over.

"Your no good for anyone".

"Your no good for anyone".

"Your no good for anyone".

It felt like it just happened yesterday. Those memories had not even began to fade yet. They would never fade. Some things stick with us our whole lives. Suddenly, I had an urge to just let myself fall from the building. If I really was no good for anyone, why was I still around? What was the point of living if I just made things worse? I inched a little closer, just centimeters away from falling. I was just about to push myself off fully, but a small voice inside me told me to stop. I froze, realizing what I was about to do. Is this really the right thing? I told myself. I heard that voice deep down inside of me saying no, and I knew that I needed to listen to it. I slowly climbed back until I felt my heels touch safe solid ground again. I was breathing heavily, and I heard my heart pounding in my ears. I couldn't believe I had been that close to ending my life. Quickly, I returned down into the building, curling up into a ball against one of the concrete pillars.

I started to cry. Whether it was from exhaustion, anger, sadness, depression, anxiety, hunger, I didn't know. I had so many intense emotions flowing inside me right now, I could hardly even hear my own thoughts. The sobs racked my body, and I tried to hard to suppress them. My throat was closing in on me, and I unconsciously tugged at my hair. What the heck is wrong with me? I asked myself. I got no response back. I never did, and I guess I never will.

Then I started to run. I do not know to where, but I pushed myself as fast and as hard as I could go. I was far away from the garage in less than a minute. I went wherever my feet would lead me. Hopefully I would end up in a better place. My heart was pounding, and I could feel my pulse pounding in my head like someone was smacking me with a sledgehammer. The cold, crisp, winter air rushed in and out of my lungs, my breath showing up white in the sky. My legs burned, but somehow I found great pleasure in the pain it caused. I saw curious glances come my way as I zipped past people, not even bothering if I happened to bump into someone. The wind blowing in my face stung my already moist eyes, and they began to water. But it quite possibly also could have been from my tears. I didn't care though. I kept running and running. I needed to get away, no matter where that was. Right now I felt as if everyone in the world hated me. There was no one I could run to for help. I was like an abandoned dog that you usually find on the streets. And you know what eventually happens to them? They die.............

I don't know how long I had been sprinting for, but the sun had significantly gone down by the time I slowed down to a light jog. I wiped the beads of sweat off my forehead, trying to gather my emotions and regain my stamina. I sucked in deep breaths, almost ready to collapse. That's when the extremely intense headache hit me so hard I barely had time to think of what just happened. The world began to revolve, and I rocked lightly on my heels. I hadn't eaten anything in quite a few days, and I had just spent all my energy, so I felt susceptible at the moment. I had trouble concentrating, and I felt my heart racing so fast, maybe even skipping a couple of beats.

And that is when I saw them. Their colorful hair poking out from beneath their hats, a mask covering most of their faces. I had no idea who they were, nor did I take interest in them. I could hardly make out their facial features, for my vision had become too blurry. My knees began to shake, and then I felt myself fall to the ground. I landed on my side, but I didn't have the life in me to even give it a thought. The last thing I remember was the small smile on my lips as I watched them have fun together. Then, I let my eyes close, and I went unconscious.............