Losing Oneself

When I am Gone

Dwight looked at Ross as he nearly fall over seeing Demelza miscarry the child.  Demelza screamed at the pain that enveloped her.  Dwight said to Ross "it maybe better if you leave the room". Ross looked at Demelza I can't leave her Dwight please don't ask me. Demelza turned her head and said can't leave me you left me a long time ago, Elizabeth and you deserve each other. Dwight I want Jeremy raised by Verity and if she can't then please you take him, but I don't want him around that woman or him.  Dwight said Demelza we will get you mended once we stop the bleeding, Demelza interrupted him "No, you will not touch me, as long as Jeremy is taken care of I want to die". Ross looked at Demelza  my love you can't mean that. She looked at Ross  and said don't call me that. I loss Julia because you, made me feel like the problems with Francis was my fault.  I saved that woman's life and her sons.  What did I get for my kind hearted actions a loss of two of my children. You go and tell your beloved that you are free, I am ready to be done with the life of misery and pain. I thought you were my savior from my father but what my father did to me was never as bad as what you have done. Dwight said "Demelza I have to tend you, I can't let you do this what you will experience is a slow cruel death.". Oh Dwight I have been living a cruel life for the past two years.  After the break between Ross and Francis, then the loss of Julia, Ross and Elizabeth having relations. Dwight looked at Ross who was staring at his wife, Dwight said what did you do Ross? Demelza looked at him oh yes after months, maybe years she sent him a letter, I pleaded with him not go but he just looked at me with hated and told me to get out of his way.  Dwight do you want to know what he told me when he came home the next morning?
That I must see he had no choice.  So now you see I am done fighting for a love that will never be mine . Please leave me both of you.  When they did not move she screamed then screamed for them to GET OUT!
Dwight grabbed Ross and pulled him out of the room. Ross said you just can't let her die, why so you can keep treating her like she is your indentured slave? Get out of my sight Ross I wished so many times since meeting that dear woman in there to find someone like her and you threw her away. For what a conceited woman like Elizabeth who has only loved herself.  Do you know Francis tried to shoot himself the night before your trial, do you want to know why because he knew his wife would not love him that she only loved herself. Now she had made two people so unhappy that they want to die.  Just get away from me.
Dwight ran downstairs and asked Prudy where Jeremy was. Prudy told him the Mistress sent him to Jenny Carters the night before, Dwight said send Jud to get him, Ross walked in I'll go, Prudy yelled for Jud.  The boy will be more comfortable with Jud you haven't been around him much have you Ross. It didn't go unnoticed that she said Ross not Master, not sir, just Ross.  Ross again thought to himself  why did he ever go to Twinweth. Prudy go up and try to clean you Mistress up put a clean shift on her and get her under the covers, I don't want Jeremy seeing his mother like that. "Dwight what should I do"Ross asked?  Dwight eyes him contemptibly You..You have done enough!
Prudy walked in with hot water to help clean the Mistress. Demelza looked at her, please leave me be.  The surgeon has sent for Jeremy you don't want him to see you this way do ee. Demelza shook her head.  When Prudy saw the blood and the bruises then the bite marks she said oh Mistress who has done this to ee.  Captain McNeil did the deed but Ross is the cause, Demelza started to cry again. Why, Why did he do it Prudy I gave him my all and it was never, never good enough. Please Prudy make sure Jeremy isn't raised by Ross and Elisabeth, she will not treat him right and I don't want him to feel he is second best ever again. Maid don't be talkin that way, the surgeon will fix you up. No Prudy I am done, Jeremy will be better off with the Blameys or even Dwight.  Prudy said no Mistress do...Demelza cut her off and asked her to leave. Demelza was starting to slip under. Prudy hurried out calling for Dwight.  The maid, she said to him, she passed out.  Ross started up the stairs but Dwight pushed him out of the way then shut the door on him.
Ross didn't know what to do he couldn't think the pain was unbearable then Prudy came up and pushed past him carrying Jeremy. Ross went to grab him, Prudy turned and said I will never be forgive ee and neither will this one.  Yorn mother and father would be so disappointed in ee, they sure would. She took Jeremy in the room.  Ross went down to his library he thought of all the ways he had failed Demelza all this time taking her love for granted. All this time thinking he loved Elizabeth making Demelza feel like second best. Turning his anger to her for everything that went wrong. Leaving her to raise his son by herself while he played Daddy to Geoffrey Charles. Most of all believing because he raised her from the gutter, it was her duty to serve him but never truly allowing her to be his equal. He fell to his knees please God don't take her from me, I love her and I can't be without her.
Ross got up and went out to saddle Darkie, Jud was there going to see your cousin in law now that you have finally put the Maid through enough.  My God have mercy on her soul and yours because, If anything happens to the Maid I will not forgive ee.  With that Jud walked away.

Please leave likes❤️ or comments. Do you Ike the song I chose for this chapter? Okay