Just benefits?

Six

I wake up to a cold and empty bed. Clay must have already gotten up without me. Thinking back to last night a smile spreads on my face, then becomes over taken by a frown.

Was last night with Clay a mistake? Did he mean what he said about wanting to know me or is he just touch starved and wants something? I hate the fact that these are the questions that go through my head but I just can't help it.

I'm not even really sure how I feel about him. I didn't have any kind of feelings towards him until our kiss and damn that kiss. He is an amazing kisser and I would love to kiss him again but is it really the right thing to do? This is only my second day here and he is my brother's best friend. I shouldn't be feeling this way at all but I can't help it.

God, I hate feelings.

I get up and carefully and quietly open his door, peeking out to see if anyone is in the area and can see me sneaking out of his room. I hear their voices down in the kitchen but don't see them so I make my way to my closed door. Clay must have done that just in case my brother came up stairs. Smart.

I sneak down the hallway and make my way into the guest bedroom. I get changed into a simple band tee-shirt and black leggings, then make my way downstairs where I hear both my brothers and Clay's laughter. And the smell of pancakes. Yum.

I walk in the kitchen and see both boys with aprons tied around themselves and a stack of blueberry pancakes next to them and the stove. Blueberry pancakes, my favourite.

"You remembered my favourite?" I ask my brother, also making my presence known in the process. They both turn and look at me, a smile gracing both of their lips. "Of course I do Cor, you're pretty hard to forget." my brother says walking towards me to give me a hug.

He wraps his arms around me and I do the same to him, giving him a brief hug before we all dig into the delicious pancakes.

"Thank you Clay for making these.!" He smiles and nods while my brother drops his fork dramatically and fakes an offended expression. "Who says he is the one who made them? I could have easily made them." I laugh. "Yeah, you could have easily made them taste like shit."  Clay almost chokes on his food, obviously surprised I had said that, and my brother looks a mix of shocked and hurt. Fake hurt though.

"That hurts Cora, that hurts me right here." He points towards his heart and fakes an even more hurt expression. I, being myself, only laugh a bit harder at this.

"Fine, go ahead and laugh, you can take care of the dishes. I'm gonna go call Karl, he appreciates me more than you assholes." He pouts and leaves the room, leaving me and Clay complete laughing messes.

"That was great." He makes out between wheezes and I nod along with him, silently agreeing.

After we finally calm down (which honestly took longer than it should have) we cleared the table and loaded the dishes into the dishwasher.

Strangely things between Clay and I don't feel very awkward, as much as I'd expect them to. I honestly thought that after last night we both would be awkward messes but I turned out to be very wrong. We were both just ourselves, even after the kiss which I still can't tell if it was a mistake or not.

I want to regret it, I want to say it was all a big mistake but I just can't bring myself to admit that i actually really enjoyed it and might actually want it to happen again. But it is too soon. Sure i have talked to him before and known of him for years, but I have only just actually met him and started getting to know him yesterday.

I can't let myself get attached, not again. Especially so soon. I'm just gonna get hurt again. I need to keep my distance from him and that is final.