Just benefits?

Thirteen

I woke up in Clay's arms the next morning. After our, well, me, bath last night we both threw on some of Clay's shirts and both of our underwear and fell asleep in each other's arms as we usually do.

A smile graces my face as I remember last night. Last night was intimate and something that I truly want to happen again some day. Not only because of the immense pleasure he made me feel but I feel like it brought us closer together somehow.

It really is nice waking up in Clay's arms, it's something that doesn't happen very often when my brother is in the house but he isn't here so for now I get to enjoy this moment for as long as I can. Or until my bladder wakes up and I decide I need to take a fat piss.

TW: Talks of depression in detail and shit

The more I lay awake and study Clay's adorably handsome features as he sleeps the worse I end up feeling. This happens to me sometimes. I will randomly feel really bad and I know it's my depression, I just get like this sometimes.

The words of my brother appear in my head as I lay there and I know I should call him and let him know how I'm feeling, he always tells me that I should do so when I feel this way. I don't know if talking about it really helps or not but he always tries to help distract me or do something to get my mind off of everything I'm feeling.

After a few minutes of struggling I manage to get out of Clay's arms without waking him up and head to my room. I grab my phone and dial the all too familiar number. After a few rings he finally picks up.

"Hey, what's up?" I don't answer at first, trying to think of the right thing to say. "Hey..." I trail off and immediately sighs. "You're having a moment aren't you?" I sigh at how well he knows me. "Yeah. I am." He lets out a frustrated noise. "Fuck, I shouldn't have left." "No, bud you're out there having fun in North Carolina, it's fine. If you were here there isn't much you can do anyway even if you were here."

He stays quiet for a moment before letting out another sigh in defeat. "I'm sorry Cora. Thank you for letting me know. Do you wanna talk about it?" I shake my head even though he can't see me. "No, there isn't much to talk about. I'm just feeling like shit. Not much to it."

He stays silent, obviously feeling bad for me but I don't need it. "Don't feel bad bud, It's okay. I just wanted to let you know is all." "I know and I appreciate you telling me. I am always here for you sis. I gotta get going to do some stuff for Jimmy but call me again if you need anything. And if you need to, talk to Clay. He is always here for you too."

"Yeah I know, thank you. I'll let you get going, love you, talk to you later." "Love you too, later." and just like that, he's gone again. I bring my phone down from my ear and lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

A few minutes later there's a knock at the door and I muster up the energy to call out for Clay to come in. He opens the door and lays down on the bed next to me. Not touching me at all but close enough so that I can feel his warmth coming off of his body.

"I can feel that your energy is off. I don't know what's wrong but I'm here for you Cora." I can only nod, that's all I really have the energy for. We lay in silence for a little while longer before he speaks up again. "Do you want me to go make some food?" I only shrug. I'm not trying to be rude or anything but I know I probably won't eat much if he does make anything.

"Are you going to be alright here by yourself for a little bit?" I nod. No matter how bad I'm feeling I feel safe. He gets up, planting a kiss on my forehead then leaves the room.

I stay where I am on the bed only moving to put myself under the covers until he comes back carrying two plates of pancakes. "They're blueberry. I gave you two  but only eat what you can. And if you want more then There is more downstairs I can go get them for you." I only nod and take the plate. I really do appreciate all that he is doing for me, I truly do and when I snap out of this I will be sure to thank him for it all but right now I just can't find it in myself to speak.

We eat in silence which I really don't mind. It's better than me trying and failing at talking. After we finish eating he brings our plates down stairs then comes back up. He immediately cuddles up to me and I stiffen under his touch.

I've never let anyone touch me when I'm like this, not even my brother, too scared I'd hurt them, but with Clay I somehow feel different. I don't feel trapped, he made sure he isn't suffocating me which I appreciate but I also find myself not minding his touch.

With that in mind I relax at his touch. We continue to lay there in silence for a few minutes before he looks over at me. "Do you want to watch something on TV?" I nod my head, not feeling the need to talk. With that he reaches for the remote and turns on some mindless television and I feel myself get tired.

That's another thing when I get in these moods, I get very tired very easily. I relax more into him and begin to drift into sleep.

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I wake to movement next to me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, I was just going to make some lunch. Do you want any?" Looking at my phone for the time I shake my head. I feel a bit better but my appetite still isn't back yet.

He nods silently and leaves. Even though I had just woken up before I took the nap, I really needed it, I feel much better. He comes back a few minutes later with a meal for himself and two bottles of water and when he comes close enough he gives one to me which I start sipping on, causing him to smile.

"Thank you for drinking." I nod in response. "Do you feel any better?" He asks as he sits down next to me on the bed, to which I nod again making his smile a little bigger. "Do you want to talk about it?" "There isn't much to talk about." I reply, my voice coming out hoarse from not talking in a long time. "I get these depressive episodes sometimes where I just don't feel like doing anything. If anything I'm sorry you had to get involved or if my brother texted you."

He shook his head. "No, he didn't text me that I'm aware of, I could just tell something was off. And don't apologize for something that you can't control. My little sister gets like that sometimes so I know how to deal with it." I nod in acknowledgment.

It gets quiet but it is a comfortable silence. Once he finishes eating he puts his plate on the side table and opens his arms for me to crawl into them, which I do. And that is how we spend the rest of the day, cuddled up together watching mindless TV, just enjoying each other's company

This chapter means a lot to me because this covers a lot of stuff I personally go through and how I would like to be treated during my episodes.

Thoughts??