My psycho side

You can't do anything about it

     Pain. Pain is all i feel as i try to gather what's left of my broken pieces as well as the clothes, can't call them clothes now, that i had on earlier.

   My throat is practically on fire from the seething pain i feel after all the crying and shouting i just did. I notice a small pool of blood on the white sheets and the imagines won't stop flooding my mind.

    Hell is what all these monsters deserve.

    Cry. I can't even cry anymore. I've probably shed more tears in life more than the average human. Ok maybe that's an exaggeration.

   I move myself to the bathroom and sit under the cold shower not bothering to remove what remains of the dress i was wearing. Not that it's much anyway. Am almost naked.

   I scrab and scrab and scrab and many more scrabing just to get the lingering feeling of his body against mine out. I scrab until am sore and bleeding but at this point i don't care and i continue to scrab the dirt out.

    Not until i loss consciousness do i stop my supposed bathing.

   Pain. Something that's become part of my life. Part of me.

  I wince when i see the bright lights that luminate the room and that sickening headache follows. It's really painful you know.

   "How are you feeling?" A sweet voice distantly familiar says and i shoot my eyes open swearing mentally at the pain that follows.

  In all glory stands Rita before me.

   "A l...little sore." Just like my voice and every damn part of my body.

   "You're bound to considering what you look like. What really happened?"

   Now this is the part i hate most. Tell anybody what happened here and i swear you will regret it. He warned after he was done. Done taking advantage of me. Done taking advantage of my innocence. Done taking the only thing, the only thing i had left.

   I really don't care what the fuck he does to me cause am empty now. Nothing. There's nothing he can hold against me now. My life is useless and i don't care anymore so am spilling the beans.

    "Ahhm yes...yesterday when...when your brother and I...I went back upstairs, he...he...he" Just say it darn it. Say it.

    "He...he" The door opens and our heads snap to that direction. I only notice now we are in a hospital.

   "Brother. Thank God you're here. Something happened to Camaya."

   "I went to your room searching for you and found Camaya instead. Unconscious in the bathroom. She was about to tell me what happened."

   The lump in my throat is back again with a stabing pain to my chest. I can't even look at Jeff. Not when he's responsible for the state I am in now.

  "What happened love? Another episode of your anxiety attacks?" My what now? Anxiety attack? Ha ha ha funny. Very funny. Does this guy think this is all a game? Me? Anxiety attack? Genius. I gotta give it to him.

   "Wait wait. What are you talking about?" Rita inquires looking puzzled. I also have no idea sis.

   "Camaya sometimes has anxiety attacks and she ends up harming herself when that happens. I think this is what happened a few hours ago." He sits next to me on the bed holding me to his chest.

   "You are safe now darling." He strokes my hair gently. Devil's advocate.

   "I am so sorry Camaya. I had no idea. I hope you recover soon enough. I'll leave the two of you alone."

   "Take care of her brother." I look at her with the 'don't leave me alone with him' look to which she only smiles sympathetically at me.

    My voice seems to fail me at moments i need it most. I can't move my body either because Jeff's tigthly holding me to him. Clever bastard. 

  Rita my only savior leaves. Leaving me all alone with a monster. Please, anyone, someone please walk in through that door. My silent prayer is never answered. Just like always.

   "No one's coming and You. Can't. Do. Anything. About. It. Get that through that pretty head of yours."

   "You. Will. Pay. For. This. I swear." I spit at him equally sternly.

   He laughs. Yeah keep laughing cause i promise I'll have the last laugh and not you.

   "And who will make me pay? You? See, if it helps you sleep better, what happened tonight isn't the last. It will happen until i say it's over." His face is so close to mine and i wish i could do something, anything but all i can do is cry. Tears flow silently down my face.

   "Aww sorry sweetheart. Did i hurt you perhaps? Was i rough? I promise to be gentle next time. Very gentle."

   I can't even find the words to tell his man. Scratch that, this devil.

  "News flash..." he moves a little giving us the much needed space.

  "I got your discharge papers ready. We are going home. After all I can't leave my future wife in a hospital. Especially after what happened."

   He moves closer to me so our faces are closer to each other.

   "I can't get the feeling of your soft body off of me. I want you even more." He pecks my lips shortly but not so short to miss me biting his lip harshly that he bleeds.

   "You bitch." He swears and wipes the blood of his lip with the back of his hand. You deserve that and much worse.

  He walks out shortly after leaving me alone with my thoughts. What happens after this? Do i just go back and pretend nothing ever happened? Do i still have to marry Jeff? Definitely not.

  I've to escape if that's even possible.

  Moments later Jeff comes back in with a bruised and broken lip. I pat myself mentally for the job well done. It's not much damage compared to what he's done to me but I'll get there.

   "We are going home." He says and opens the door for the nurse to walk in with a wheelchair and he helps me to it, pushing me out the hospital. The only place i was safest.

   I try to look around the whole drive back to hell so that i can muster anything that can help me escape. Nothing seems to catch my eye and i feel defeated. But i won't give up. At least not yet. One useful thing dad taught me is to never back down especially without a fight. I get that now and I'll  put it to good use.

  I immediately head to my room and lock it just to be as far away from Jeff as possible. For about an hour or two i just sit on the bed staring ahead at nothing. Mind blank, no recurring imagines of my life playing like rewind. No nothing.

  Suddenly a thought pops in my mind. My diary. I search for it in the bed side drawer and unlock it. What should i write. My left hand lingers on the blank page thinking of what to write down. Oh did i mention i was left handed? Well I am. Dad is too.

   RAPE. I WAS RA...

  I can't do this. I try to write but i just can't. I snap the book closed and lock it with it's passcode. Mine and mom's birthday combined. That's the passcode. No one can ever guess it.

   I try my best to fall asleep but can't. I am kind of thankful that my mind is completely blank right now so i won't have to think or remember of what happened just hours ago. The pain between my legs being the only reminder and proof of what happened. Finally and i mean finally, i am able to grab some sleep in the wee hours of the day.

A/N  Done with this part. Kinda emotional, i tried to lighten it as much as i could. I hope i did i good job.