ECLIPSE, grishaverse

iii. discomfort zone

                    WHEN YELENA WAS A LITTLE kid her mother would read her bedtime stories with fairies, sirens and princesses, then the next morning while helping his father with work, he would shared adventurous stories about warriors, pirates and sea-monsters. Once she remembered asking her mother are there any princesses warriors, mama? the dinner table would be quiet for a few seconds, then her father answered yes, there are, and she fights sea-monsters and sirens with her crew of pirates! he raised his fork in a heroic way while her mother laughed at him and fed baby Alina, I want to be a princess warrior when I grow up, papa she said, oh no darling, a princess is too little for you and your big heart, you shall be a queen warrior! her mother added, caressing her cheek. Why is my heart big? she asked, confused because you are kind lapushka, you care about others, Alina is lucky to have a big sister like you who would always have her back her father answered and kept eating his food, I promise I would always be by her side little Yelena said, holding a hand to her heart we know darling, we know.

Oh, but how far she was now from being a queen or a warrior; she was sitting in the General's fancy black coach with her dirty clothes, face and pretty much everything else, dried blood on her forehead and nose, her black hair all over the place, she was certainly not royalty. But on top of all those things, she was scared and she hated it. Scared of what might happened to Mal while they were gone, scared of arriving in the unknown Palace with all those strangers in silks, scared for Alina and what her new discovered powers meant to Ravka and of course, scared of herself. She had very little information and the situation was getting out of control, way out of her comfort zone.

"This is Fedyor." she tore her eyes from the woods outside the window to inspect the man in red, not the rude one but the smiley one.

"And he's Ivan. Pleasure to meet you." he smiled to both of them. Alina started touching the blue silk of the coat a Squaller gave her, Yelena was wearing a red one from a Healer. "They call this a kefta. It's bulletproof. The uniform of the Second Army." Fedyor answered.

"What about the First Army? Back in Kribirsk. A thousand soldiers marching with us. Isn't that safer?" Alina replied, slightly angry.

"Slower, not safer. Not really."

"If you left me with the cartography unit, no one would look twice at us."

"Why is that? You summon pure sunlight. Your kind of Etherealki has been seen once and was a rumor a few times, and your sister's supposed to be a legend, a tale, a picture in a storybook. Until now." he looked at her, a chill ran through her whole body after his words. "You two are very special girls, so how has no one looked twice at you before?"

"Are you joking?" Alina almost spat, he shook his head. "Maybe it's nicer inside the Little Palace, but out here when you are different, when you look different, everything's at risk of becoming a fight." her big sister smiled bitterly and in agreement at her words, focusing on the trees outside the window again.

"Do you know why the Little Palace has walls in the first place, hm?" Ivan asked.

"Drüskelle.." Yelena whispered, remembering things from the books she read long time ago. Ivan's corner lip twitched, then he continued.

"Yes. For years, being Grisha was a death sentence. At least now, thanks to General Kirigan, we are protected. Feared. And that's how we survive. Not by being overlooked but by making them look and knowing you're powerful."

"That's no solution, being feared." she said as everyone turned their heads to look at her, expecting an explanation. So she followed, "No one likes living in fear, there would be one's who don't stand it and would want to take you down, even your own people. When there's fear, there's uprisings, war, death. And by showing yourself as better than the others, you are only gaining enemies. The point is, you are going backwards, to square one."