Surrounded by Darkness, yet Enfolded in Light

The Bustling Blackness

Jordan:

I shuffle through the door of the flat, and slump onto my bed. For a few moments I just sit there, in the dark. Then, I take my jacket off and flick on the lamp. I don’t like to flood the room in light, I prefer the comfort of the dark, with enough light to see. I prepare dinner quickly for my Dad and Jane, my step mother, and put it in the fridge. They won't be home for a while.

I quickly shower, change and return to my room, and spend the next hour catching up on homework, before putting on a film to rot my brain watching. Halfway in I give up, and end up reading a book. As always, my music is on in the background, thumping away.

Hours later, I find myself in the same problem I face daily: Sleep. It is 3 am, and I am still lying there, staring at the white ceiling of my mostly black room. Every 20 minutes or so I would get uncomfortable, and have to roll over. I always take ages to sleep, perhaps because I have so much going on, maybe something else. My thoughts always end up drifting places I tend to stay away from, the memories I try hardest to forget. The times I felt the worst, the times I failed, the things I have done to hurt people, and the times I hurt myself. These are the ones that leave the physical scars.

I roll over, and glance at my phone. A single unread message reads what may be all I ever needed: A note from a true friend.

“Night, Jordan. I hope you feel better soon. Natalia”

I fall asleep smiling for the first time in months.