Surrounded by Darkness, yet Enfolded in Light

The Fragile Friend

Jordan:

At first I could not bear to see her like that, so broken, and frail. I am so used to Natalia being so happy, so energetic, so alive, and now she lies in a hospital bed, mumbling to herself. Most of it is unclear, but the name “Luciano” comes up a lot. She sounds distressed, like she needs to protect something that is just out of her reach. I wish I understood, but I also feel like I am listening in on her private life; and I don’t want to invade her privacy. As time goes on, she starts fading in and out of consciousness, her mutterings become more understandable, and the nurse tells me that she should be fully awake within the next few days. After this, I spend a whole day at her bedside, talking to her, although I know she cannot hear. I tell her that she really is important to me, that when we are together I feel so much better; my life has meaning again. I tell her the reason I push her away is because I don’t want to hurt her. That night, I go home, and the only thing stopping me from reopening those cuts is the fact that Natalia still cares. I feel overcome with guilt; I should have been there to walk her home, we left late, and it was dark. I should have made sure she got in safely. I do not return to the hospital for two days. When I do, she is nearly awake, and as I sit down beside her, she stirs restlessly. Her eyes begin to creep open.

“Luciano?”

 I want to leave, afraid of how she will react knowing I was there, but I stay.

“It’s Jordan. Are you okay?” Stupid question “We seem to have swapped places.”

She manages a smile, and sits up slowly. “Never been better. How long have you been here?”

“Just arrived. just passing by, on my way to school,” I lie, not wanting her to think I was being weird.

“Oh, okay. Thanks, Jordan.”

“No problem.”