Surrounded by Darkness, yet Enfolded in Light

The Hellish Hilarity

Jordan:

The next week went by rather slowly. Most lessons were spent trying to understand what I missed. At least I had what Natalia sent me, without that I would be completely lost. A few people acknowledged my return, but most ignored it; I’d rather keep it that way. I look forward to whatever it is Chris is planning, but also slightly dread it. I have never enjoyed being the center of attention, preferring to stick to the sidelines. It will be interesting, I cannot deny that.

When the time comes, I stroll down Chris’s road, nervous. My hands are deep in the pockets of my hoodie, my head down low and my bag slung over my thin back. I knock at his door, and wait, rocking back and forth, anticipating. The door swings open to reveal Natalia’s beaming face, and she jumps forward to hug me. On instinct I move back, then realise I am being unfair, and go in for the hug. I know realize how nice hugging her voluntarily is, as opposed to being jumped on. Her warm arms wrap around my thin waist, squeezing tight. She draws close to me, and whispers in my ear “I’m glad you’re okay.” and withdraws.

Dazed, I follow her into the main room, where Chris and Andy are waiting, surrounded by bowls of crisps, snacks and a whole lot of life-shortening drinks. The TV is blasting out another bad thing happening in the world. Probably.

They turn as I approach, grinning.

“Welcome back, Jordan” exclaims Andy. I had hardly seen him this week; we don’t share many classes.

“Yeah, we went for something low-key for you, figured that’s what you’d rather. Being down and all, ya know?” says Chris.

“Low key, great. Thor would be proud.” I laugh, leading to an awkward silence.

The four of us sit in front of the tv most of the day, chatting away like normal friends do, I spend most of the time silent, preferring to listen and think. Natalia sits next to me, perhaps too close for comfort, but I say nothing. I still have difficulty being anything like these people around me, with all their energy, joy and reactions to everything, but in moments like this I can at least blend in, pretend to be one of them, and look happy, whether it is true or not. I will explain it all to them, one day. But it is not the time yet. I don’t know when it ever will be.