It Wasn't Love ✔️

Chapter 26

Apparently, saying that I've got a headache isn't a good enough excuse to take the day off from college.

Which is why I'm currently wearing an oversized black shirt and baggy jeans, ready to go to my favourite coffee shop before going to college.

I had ordered a croissant and a simple coffee before deciding to eat in my car so that I don't bump into anyone. As soon as I finished, I turn on my car and speed down the road to get to college.

Just as I get out of my car, I see Laura and Jacob walking in through the gates. Jacob had a wide grin on his face and was laughing along with Laura. He obviously isn't as affected as I thought he would be.

Of course he isn't affected, he never liked me. He liked me, even just a little bit. He never liked me, he just pitied me. He felt forced into going on a date with me.

I take a minute in my car to calm down my mind before I grab my rucksack and make my way towards the college gates.

I was completely unprepared for the exam I had today but I'm sure that I had enough knowledge to at least pass it.

As I walked out of the exam hall, I had my head down so I wasn't watching where I was going.

"Aria!" I heard Laura call after me and I internally curse myself.

Slowly, I turn around to face her. She didn't look angry, but didn't look as happy as she did this morning.

"When I told you to talk to Jacob, I didn't mean break his heart." She sarcastically remarks, putting her arm around my shoulder and walking with me.

"I didn't break his heart. I just told him the truth."

"The truth broke his heart." He says before changing the subject. "How was your test?"

"Are you not... mad at me?" I stop walking and ask her.

"Why would I be? I can't be mad for what you and Jacob do. That kinda thing is private and only for you two. I might know the minor details but it's not my place to get involved." Laura shrugs her shoulders and we both walk to Biology together.

As soon as we get there, Laura goes to sit next to her friends and I— gladly— make my way towards the back of the classroom.

At the end of the lesson, I had quickly left the classroom before Laura could get to me. If I was quick enough, I might be able to get some lunch before Jacob or any of his friends make it to the canteen.

I decided to buy fish and chips before going to the seating area. Just as I get there, I notice that almost all the seats were full. And Laura had just taken one of the last remaining ones, right next to Jacob. His friends were surrounding him and the only spare seat was in the table next to them. I sight deeply when Charlie sees me and waves me over. My eyes flutter over to Jacob and his fingers were tapping in the table impatiently. He glances at me before looking away. Just as I'm about to turn around and walk away, he instantly gets up and rushes past me, his shoulder knocking mine in the process.

With him gone, it was a given that I should go and sit with Laura. They're my friends too, right?

He introduced me to them, though. He is the reason I'm friends with them. It's his friends, not mine. Not mine.

So instead, I leave my tray of fish and chips at their food table and rush after Jacob. It was a stupid decision. An impulsive, brainless decision. But I made it.

I call after him but he's already out of the canteen doors. It's my turn to trap him in a classroom. I power walk to the doors and rush out of them, tracking him down. Jacob was already at the end of the corridor. I call his name again, this time he turns around. He doesn't try to run away from me. I catch up to him.

"I didn't think you'd stop." I say, standing in front of him.

I didn't think this through. Such a stupid decision!

"If you called me, why would I carry on walking?" He crosses his arms over his chest and raises his eyebrow. "Did you need something?"

"Before the... you know, you didn't usually shove past me when you walked."

"That's because I never really had a reason to."

"Telling you that I'm not sure if I want to be with you isn't a reason to... do this." I gesture to him.

"But... did you have to kiss me during your thought process?" He murmurs and I realise that I've hurt him a lot more than I had intended to.

Somehow, I knew that I wouldn't be able to escape this. You can't slow down feelings, no matter how much you want to. It's inevitable. If you're going to fall, you're going to fall at such a speed that there's not enough time to activate the parachute that supposed to slow down the intensity of which you'll hit the ground.

"I'm sorry for kissing you, okay? Do you think we could be friends?"

One of my favourite feelings is laughing with someone and realising halfway through how much you enjoy them and their existence. I've had that feeling whenever I'm around Jacob, even when if I'll never admit it, he brings out that happy-go-lucky part of me. If I could have anything in the world, it would be him. It would be him without a heartbeat, but I know that having him comes at such grave expenses and I know that neither of us can pay the price for that.

"I don't think I can be friends with you and have these intense feelings for you." He admits.

Would we even work out? Would we have a future together if we were together? Do I want to burden him with anxiety attacks whenever I get them? What if he leaves me when he finds out that I'm suicidal? What if he's repulsed by me?

"I think we can still try, though. We can be friends."

"I wish we could, really. I hate the thought of losing you. I don't wanna throw away three months of friendship... but I can't be your friend whilst wishing that I could have so much more with you."

"So you'd... rather throw it away?"

"look... I'm just telling you what I want. You told me what you wanted." He mumbles.

What he wants. He doesn't want to be my friend. But I want to be his friend.

"I don't meant to... give you anxiety or anything. I'm just doing what's best for the both of us." Jacob adds.

"Wait... you suggested that we be friends first. What changed?"

"I dont-" A group of boys storm past us, pushing me in the process.

I stumble to stay upright and Jacob quickly holds on to my wrist. As soon as I see his fingers on me, I quickly squirm out of his grip.

"I don't wanna lose our friendship, Jacob." I say when we both face each other again.

"Neither do I... but we lost it the moment you kissed me."

Hey!

So... I WATCHED SPIDER-MAN AND I'M SHITTING MYSELF.

Like... how can a movie be so good? I cried so many times and a certain part of the movie (iykyk) made me BALL MY EYES.

The plot twists were GREAT and the CAST oh my shit.

Willem Defoe is the G.O.A.T.

Words cannot describe how much I fucking adore this movie. Seriously cannot wait to watch it again. Definitely recommend it if you haven't watched it!

-H ⚫️⚪️⚫️⚪️