Much Ado About Nothing [The Wizarding World]

Act 3, Scene 2

The four men sat in the shade of a huge cyprus tree. Muhammed filled two wine glasses and handed one to Bas.

'I'm staying only till your wedding is over and then I'm going to Riyadh,' he said.

'I'll accompany you there if you'll allow me to, my lord,' said Bas.

Muhammed laughed. 'No, that would be like sand in the new gloss of your marriage, like giving a child a new coat and forbidding him to wear it. I'll allow Draco only, because he's all fun, from head to toe. He's cut Cupid's bow-string twice or three times and the little rascal dare not shoot at him. His heart is as sound as a bell and his tongue is the clapper, because his tongue speaks whatever his heart feels.'
Draco had been silent throughout. He spoke now, almost for the first time. He drew in his breath as though about to make an important announcement.

'Gentlemen,' he said. 'I've changed.'

The others struggled to keep straight faces. Cepheus touched his arm gently in mock sympathy. 'Yes you have. You're more sad.'

'I hope he's in love,' said Bas.

'What are you talking about!' exclaimed Muhammed. 'There's not a drop of blood in him that could be touched by love. If he's sad it's because he's short of money!'

'I've got a toothache,' said Draco.

'Pull it out,' said Muhammed.

Draco stared out at the blue sea. 'Hang it!' he exclaimed suddenly.

'Yes,' said Bas. 'You must hang it first and then pull it out.'
'What!' said Muhammed. 'Sad because of a toothache?'

'Which is only a mood or a worm in your tooth,' said Cepheus.

'Well it's easy to solve someone else's problems,' said Draco.

They exchanged glances and returned to their wine.

'I still think he's in love,' said Bas.

Muhammed leant forward and perused Draco's face then sat back again and shook his head. 'There's no sign of love in him,' he said, 'unless it's the love he has for strange outfits, being a Dutchman today, a Frenchman tomorrow, or looking like two countries at the same time, such as a German from the waist down, all baggy britches, and a Spaniard from the hip up, and no doublet. He may have a love of this foolery, as it seems he does, but he is no fool of love, as you're trying to make out.'

'If he's not in love with some woman, there's no truth in the old signs like brushing one's hat in the mornings. What could that mean?' said Bas.

'Has anyone seen him at the barber's,' said Muhammed.

'No, but the barber's man has been seen with him and his beard is now stuffing tennis balls.'

Cepheus also inspected Draco's face, now. 'Yes, he looks younger than he did by the loss of a beard,' he said.

Muhammed leant forward again, sniffed and pulled a face. 'Yes, and he's been rubbing himself with perfume. Can you smell him?'

'That's as good as saying that the sweet young man's in love,' said Bas.

'The giveaway is his melancholy,' said Muhammed.

'And since when did he wash his face?' said Bas.

'Yes, and put on makeup,' said Muhammed.

'And his sense of humour has crept into a lute-string and been replaced by frets.'

'Well all that says something sad about him,' said Muhammed. 'The conclusion is that he's in love.'

'Yes,' said Bas, 'and I know someone who's in love with him.'

'I'd like to know who that could be,' said Muhammed. 'I'll bet it's someone who doesn't know him.'

'Yes she does, and all his bad points, and in spite of all that, is dying for him.'

'She'll die on her back,' said Muhammed.

They all laughed, except Draco, who scowled and pushed his chair back. He got up. 'This is no cure for a toothache,' he said. 'Old man, come with me. I want a few words with you, which I don't want these buffoons to hear.'

'On my life,' said Muhammed when they had gone, 'he's going to broach it with Cepheus.'

'I sure of that,' said Bas. 'Theadora and Daisy will have played their parts with Astoria by now, so now the two bears won't bite one another when they meet.'

Jamala was walking across the lawn. He waved. 'My lord and brother,' he called. He came up to them and sat down. 'Merlin save you,' he said.

'Good day, brother,' said Muhammed.

'I'd like a word when you're free,' said Jamala.

'In private?'

'If you don't mind: but Lord van Brakel can listen because what I have to say concerns him.'

'What's it about?'

Muhammed looked at Bas. 'Is your lordship intending to get married tomorrow?'

Muhammed frowned. 'You know he is.'

'I'm not so sure, when he knows what I know.'

'If there's any impediment please tell us,' said Bas.

'You may think I don't like you,' said Jamala. 'Judge that after I've spoken and judge better according to what I'm going to tell you. Regarding my brother, I think he holds you in high esteem and out of friendship for you has helped to bring your ensuing marriage about – and a bad suit it was and a waste of effort.'

'Why, what's the matter?' said Muhammed.

'I came here to tell you, and to be brief, the lady is unfaithful.'

Bas sprang up. 'Who? Thea?'

'The very one,' said Jamala. 'Cepheus' Theadora, your Thea, every man's Thea.'

'Unfaithful?' Bas sat down again slowly.

'The word is too good to describe her wickedness. I would say she was worse than that. Think of a worse word and I will fit her to it. Don't try and work it out until you see proof. Just come with me tonight and you will see someone enter at her bedroom window, even the night before her wedding day. If you still love her after that, marry her tomorrow, but it would be better for your honour to change your mind.'

Bas appealed to Muhammed. 'Could this be so?'

'I can't imagine it,' said the prince.

'If you don't dare to believe your eyes, don't say you know,' said Jamala. 'If you'll come with me I will show you enough, and when you've seen and heard more, then act accordingly.'

'If I see anything like that tonight, I won't marry her tomorrow. In that same place I'll shame her,' said Bas.

'And as I was the one who wooed to get her for you, I will join you in disgracing her,' said Muhammed.

'I won't disparage her any further until you are my witnesses,' said Jamala. 'Bear it patiently till midnight and let the issue reveal itself.'

'Oh how sour the day has turned,' said Muhammed.

'Oh mischief interfering so unusually,' said Bas.

'Oh plague so well prevented,' said Jamala. 'That's what you'll say when you've seen the next episode.'

Jamala tells Muhammed and Bas to meet him outside Theadora's window at night, and he will prove she is unfaithful. Bas promises that if she is indeed proven to be unfaithful, he will disgrace her publicly at the wedding tomorrow.