Much Ado About Nothing [The Wizarding World]

Act 5, Scene 1

Cepheus' devoted brother leant over him as he sat slumped in a chair at the table that they had set out in the shade in preparation for the celebrations.

'If you go on like this you'll kill yourself,' said River. 'And it's unwise to pile grief on yourself.'

'Please, stop giving me advice,' said Cepheus. 'It's water off a duck's back. Don't keep giving me advice! And I don't want any comfort unless it's from someone who's been through the same thing. Bring me a father who loved his child as much, whose joy in her is as overwhelming as mine, and tell him to talk about patience. Compare his sorrow with mine and if it fits every instance, and if he doesn't then smile and stroke his beard, tell me it's not so bad, say 'ahem' instead of groan, utter platitudes, try to drown sorrow with philosophy, then bring him to me and I will get some solace from him. But there is no such man, because, brother, it's easy to give advice and offer comfort to grief that you don't feel yourself but if you had known it your advice would turn to rage. If a man hasn't experienced it he will try and calm another's rage, tie strong passion up in silk threads, try to soothe pain with words. No, it's every man's business to tell those who writhe in pain to be patient. Until he's felt that pain himself. So, don't give me advice. My griefs cry louder than advice.'

'You're being childish,' said River.

'I beg of you, be quiet!' said Cepheus. 'I'm only flesh and blood: there has never yet been a philosopher who could bear the toothache with patience, however much they may have written in the style of gods and discovered life's great secrets.'

River nodded in sympathy. 'But still, don't be the main sufferer. Make those who have offended you suffer too.'

Cepheus looked up at his brother. 'Now you're talking sense. Don't worry, I'm going to. I know in my heart that Theadora's been defamed, and Bas will know that, and so will the prince, and everyone who's been involved.'

'Here come the prince and Bas in a hurry,' said River as the two men approached them, dressed for travelling.

'Good afternoon, good afternoon,' said Muhammed, to each brother in turn.

'Good afternoon to you both,' said Bas.

Cepheus stood up shakily, drew himself up, and faced them squarely. 'Now listen here, River put his hand on his brother's shoulder.

'In a hurry, my lord!' exclaimed Cepheus. 'You're in a hurry suddenly?' His brother gripped his shoulder. 'Well, it doesn't matter,' he said.

'No, don't quarrel with us, good old man,' said the prince.

'If he could put things right by quarrelling some of us would lie low,' said River.

'Who has wronged him?' said Bas.

Cepheus' face was a picture of fury. He took a step towards Bas. 'You!' he exclaimed. 'You wrong me, you hypocrite, you..... What! Don't touch your sword. I'm not afraid of you.'

Bas raised his hands. 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'Really, I didn't mean to give the impression that I was about to draw my sword.'

'Tush, tush, man, don't patronise me: don't toy with me. I'm not past it and I'm not a fool. I'm not bragging, as an old man, about the things I did in my youth, or what I would do if I weren't old. Understand this, Bas, and understand it well: you have wronged both my innocent child and me so much that I'm forced to put my age aside, and in spite of my grey hairs and the infirmity of a long life, challenge you to a duel. You have slandered my innocent child. It's killed her and she's lying buried with her ancestors: oh, in a tomb free of scandal except for this, fashioned by your villainy!'

'My villainy?'

'Yours, Bas, yours, I tell you.'

'You're wrong, old man,' said Muhammed.