Much Ado About Nothing [The Wizarding World]

Act 3, Scene 5

Cepheus was dressed and ready for the wedding. He had trimmed his beard, put on his best suit, and was about to leave when a servant came to tell him that the master constable wanted to see him. He went out and walked to the gate. Harry and Ron stood there.

'What can I do for you honest neighbour?' said Cepheus.

'Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you that decerns you nearly,' said Harry.

'Please be brief,' said Cepheus, 'because you can see that I'm very busy.'

Harry drew himself up: 'Marry, this it is, sir,' he said.

'Yes, in truth it is, sir,' said Ron.

'What is it, my good friends?'

'Goodman Ron, sir, speaks a little off the matter: an old man, sir, and his wits are not so blunt as, Merlin help, I would desire they were: but, in faith, honest as the skin between his brows,' said Harry.

'Yes, I thank God I am as honest as any man living that is an old man and no honester than I am,' said Ron.

Harry turned a stern eye on him. 'Comparisons are odorous: palabras, neighbour Ron,' he said.

'Neighbours, you are tedious,' said Cepheus.

Harry bowed. 'It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the poor duke's officers: but truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in my heart to bestow it all on your worship.'

'All your tediousness on me, huh?'

'Yea, an 'twere a thousand pound more than 'tis: for I hear as good exclamation on your worship as of any man in the city: and though I be but a poor man, I am glad to hear it,' said Harry.

'And so am I,' agreed Ron.

'I really would like to know what you have to say,' said Cepheus.

'Marry, sir,' said Ron, 'our watch to-night, excepting your worship's presence, ha' ta'en a couple of as arrant knaves as any in Lancaster.'

Harry looked affectionately at his partner. 'A good old man, sir: he will be talking: as they say, when the age is in, the wit is out: Merlin help us! it is a world to see. Well said, in faith, neighbour Ron: well, Merlin's a good wizard: an two men ride of a horse, one must ride behind. An honest soul, in faith, sir: by my troth he is, as ever broke bread: but Merlin is to be worshipped: all men are not alike: alas, good neighbour!'

'That's right, neighbour,' said Cepheus. 'He can't match you.'

'Gifts that Merlin gives,' said Harry.

'I have to go,' said Cepheus. He turned.

'One word, sir,' said Harry. 'Our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended two aspicious persons, and we would have them this morning examined before your worship.'

'Take their examination yourself and bring it to me,' said Cepheus. 'I'm in a hurry, as you can see.'

Harry nodded gravely. 'It shall be suffigance,' he said.

'Drink some wine before you go,' said Cepheus. 'Goodbye.'

A messenger met him as he was walking away.

'My lord, they're waiting for you to give your daughter to her husband,' he said.

'I'm on my way,' said Cepheus.

'Go, good partner,' said Harry after Cepheus had gone. 'Go, get you to Blaise: bid him bring his pen and inkhorn to the gaol: we are now to examination these men.'

'And we must do it wisely,' said Ron.

'We will spare for no wit, I warrant you: here's that shall drive some of them to a non-come: only get the learned writer to set down our excommunication and meet me at the gaol.'

Cepheus does not understand Harry and Ron's explanations of the criminals they want to interrogate.