This One's For You //cth

diecinueve.

i've got these feelings for you

and i can't help myself-

the ringer on a phone went off rather loudly, all of us looking around a classroom to a red-faced girl reaching in her bag to silence her phone. a nervous chuckle came from her, mumbling an apology. i smiled at her sympathetically which she returned before our professor cleared his throat, continuing with the lesson.

today is our first day back in school. today is the first hockey practice back. today feels wrong, the kind of wrong that you get when you get yelled at, the same kind of feeling surrounded the entire day in general.

outside of my class sat calum, considering it was right before his practice and he had this look about his face. i sat on the bench next to him, his hand reaching out and taking mine. he was tense all over.

"what's the matter?" i ask in what was supposed to be loud but really came out more of a whisper, and he shrugged.

"i don't wanna go to practice." 

"why not?" he mumbles something incoherent under his breath, pulling me onto his lap. 

"because, i feel like i'm going to walk into practice, and they're going to be there. i feel like ashton is gonna be there running around with michael's clothes again because he always showers before practice, or fletch is gonna be there shit talking the team about how much they suck to get them to play better. but they won't be there. they won't be there, ever again. taylor won't be there after the game and she won't smile at me like always before kissing fletch and then leaving. none of them are here, noelle. i don't know how i'm gonna handle being there. i can't." his voice cracked a couple times, and what they say is true; hearing the voice crack of somebody who is about to cry honestly is the worst thing. 

i've seen calum cry before, but this time it was different. his face buried itself in my neck, and his arms basically held a death grip around me, like if he let go, i would disappear too. 

"can.. can you come with me?" cal asked, looking up at me through teary eyes. i used the pads of my thumbs to wipe his tears away, nodding solemnly. 

he placed a chaste kiss to my lips, finally loosening his grip on me. "i'll be there in the stands, cal. it'll be alright. you can make it through this. i know you can."

"i really hope you're right noelle,i honestly don't but if you think i can then maybe i can," he maundered. i got off of his lap, taking his hand to assure him that i'm here, i'm not going to disappear. 

"i still want you to marry me," i barely heard him say, breath catching in my throat. no you don't.

; ~ ; A/N; noelle stfu and marry the kid jesus christ  ; ~ ; 

besides nearly having a panic attack when he got to practice and put on his jersey and gear, he was doing better than he expected himself to do. i sat in the stands right in the front row like i said, and he was on the ice doing laps with his team.