Jinxes and curses

Chapter 12; our way of the minds

Lily's POV

Since a few weeks ago, Remus and I made it a tradition to sit and read together each night, in front of the fire. I would lay with my legs over the armrest of the couch, and with my head in his lap.

Sometimes we made it so late, the fire would only be some glowing coal, and we would be almost the only ones left. Then, he would read to me aloud. For a while, everything was perfect.

When the end of January was nearing, so was my birthday. Apparently Remus was exquisite at lying, because what he had planned, I never expected. Around two days before my birthday, there was a full moon.

We had been studying with Marlene and Mary that afternoon, when I started packing our things. Remus was struggling to stay awake. "It's best if we go." I said to the girls. They didn't bother to argue.

I told Remus to go down already, so I could still dumb our bags in our common room, but it was too late for that, the moon would be coming soon. When we got to Madam Pomfrey, I was struggling with the bags that I hadn't put away, I begged if I could come.

"Oh, I- I can't do that. I- Lily, I am just so sorry but-"

"Please, please let me come!" It took some convincing, but she let me come. We hurried to the whomping willow and crawled in. I placed some blankets and hid a little stuffed animal. I held his hand for as long as we were able to stay, till Madam Pomfrey urged us to go. "Goodluck, Remus.."

I couldn't get a good nights sleep that evening. I never realised how hard it was for Remus. At around 4, I tiptoed out of my bed and to the door, hoping I wouldn't wake anybody.

It was past curfew, so I couldn't leave the common room. I hated that. I wanted to go to Remus, wanted to be there for him, though it was the impossible. I hated that I liked him. I hated that I'd ever become his friend. He reminded me of when I did have a sibling. A loving one.

It sounded stupid when I told myself all of that. I reminded myself it was the middle of the night and I was probably sleep drunk, I hadn't actually meant meant it.

So when the moon was almost gone, curfew or not, I rushed -this time in my robes and not pyjamas- to the hospital wing, very carefully avoiding Professor Filch, Ms Norris and Peeves.

When I got there, I found nobody. Madame Pomfrey was most likely out to get him right now. I sat down on a bed and waited.

I spotted a bed that looked slightly different from the other. It stood out to be a little bit more personalised. It had a couple books on the table at the left. Its blanket was thinner but it contained an extra pillow. I stood up and edged towards it.

I stroked the pillow softly. It was silk, opposed to the usual linen. The books on the bedstand were second- years and at that point I'd already figured it out. When I looked inside the drawer, however, I was certain. I saw a honeydukes' chocolate bar lying, closed.

And unsurprisingly, when Remus came in, she lied him down on the bed. "Why, Ms Evans. What do you think you're doing here-"

I kept silent. Madame Pomfrey was busy preparing all sorts of potions and she was muttering spells and casting them on Remus. He had his eyes closed. He looked so.. vulnerable. I didn't notice any new wounds, not on his face anyway. When I inspected his arm, however, I noticed quite a long one tracing from his elbow to his wrist. It was bleeding heavily.

"Madame Pomfrey can I maybe help-"

She shoved me aside and went all busy on Remus. Immediately he started looking quite less pale.

About an hour went by and I knew the curfew was now over and students were allowed outside their dorms. Madame Pomfrey finished and demanded he hits some rest. He convinced her it wasn't as bad as usual and I got to stay. She shot me a sympathising look and I think that was the moment she'd start allowing me with him more often after a full moon.

"Are you hanging on?" I asked: "Oh never mind it, of course not. Hey, do you want me to get you breakfast?" He shook his head. It was rather obvious he felt uncomfortable, but he also didn't want me to leave him, and neither did I.

So I took place on a stool and sat and read. Remus was quiet and sometimes even dosed off. He would mumble things that I couldn't understand.

Suddenly he said, "Lily, why do you like me?" He meant it as a questions that was obvious. The energy was so drowned out him though, he couldn't make it sound as one.

I thought about that for a second. Well, obviously not for a second, I thought about it for longer than that to answer. In the end, I said: "I just do?" He didn't respond and turned his head away from me.

I put my feet on the stool as well and tried to read again, but couldn't. I buried my head in my knees and couldn't for a moment stop thinking about that question.

I think it is the question we all ask ourselves all the time. Why do people like me? Unless they tell you straight away, you can't ever be sure, I suppose. Even then, you can't tell wether they'd be lying.

I think the better question to be asking yourself is: why do I like me? And if you don't, why? It helped me when Petunia started annoying me after my Hogwarts letter that I started to think about things such as that.

Now, it was Remus who made me think about it. It's weird how two people so different to you can make you think so similar.