Jinxes and curses

Chapter 14; Teenage fear

Lily's POV

I aced ALL my exams. Last year I had made a schedule, this time I hadn't need it. I did coach Remus through it, as the full moon was right before it. He has a surprisingly strong memory, so I'd read to him every day, hoping he would remember some things.

And he did. He had the highest marks in history of magic in all second year. I hugged him tight. "I'm so proud of us!" He gave me a crooked smile, probably wanting to collapse from exhaustion.

I spent that rest of the afternoon after our last exam hanging outside. The weather was simply perfect. The sun shone and we could all wear shorts and t- shirts if we wanted. I was still in my robes from my last exam.

I found Mary. She sat in the middle of the Hogwarts grounds, on the grass. She was doing all kinds of tricks with her wand. I came up to her and said, "Hey. How'd it go?" She shrugged. "I guess it wasn't all that bad."

In her head, she seemed in a whole different world. From where we sat, we could see the lake. Against a tree that was next to it I could make up the figures of James, Peter and Sirius. James was playing with a golden snitch.

Out of nowhere, Mary placed her hand on my leg and caught my attention by doing so. She asked, "Where does Remus go?" At first it didn't click what she meant, except when I realised I was astonished.

"What- what do you mean?" I only now realise that was most likely the stupidest thing I could've said. It didn't matter, however, because I had already decided I wasn't going to say anything. If Remus felt it was OK for the M's to know, he must be the one to tell them. In person.

"You know, it wasn't that obvious when we only had like a few classes together. When we started studying together though. He's sick. Like a lot. Why?"

I exhaled slow and steady. I really couldn't find the words to go around this question. "I think.." I regret that I started talking, "Heh. I think I've never noticed?" Mary raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, let's not talk about this, shall we? Let's just talk about.. I don't know. Something happier, right? We finished our exams!"

I hated myself.

That evening at dinner, I explained the situation to Remus. He looked distressed. "Oh for god's sake."

I tried to tell him to think nothing of it. I knew it was a lost cause, anyway, but that didn't mean I should stop trying.

So I pulled him close and hugged him tightly. For a few seconds he let me, and I thought it might be helping, but he wriggled his hands between us and pushed me away. Far away, something broke in me. "Remus?" I asked.

He pushed his plate away and threw his legs over the bench before walking off. Regulus looked at me and the two of us chased him.

I wondered if Remus would let Regulus in on his secret. I wasn't expecting him. Hell, if it'd been me, I'd probably still be denying it to Remus. To myself, too.

I found him right before he wanted to leave the common room. He was clutching to a piece of parchment that I recognized as the map we had received the first day of our first year. I hadn't thrown it out, but it was left at home. It wasn't needed anymore.

He grasped my arm and pulled me with him. We walked what seemed like at least half an hour. I knew it was too late to go back to dinner now. Regulus had followed us, and I was glad for that. I didn't know why, though.

I was heavily panting, so was Remus, when we came to a halt. "You good?" He pulled away his hand, but I held on to it.

"Remus, it's not that big a deal we'll-" I looked from him to Regulus, "find.. some solution." He nodded, but turned his head away. Regulus backed off, like he could read my mind. I walked around Remus and looked at his face. I had never seen him cry.

"Remus? Hey. Look. I'm sorry." I took a deep breath. "Can I do anything for you?" I put my hand in his hair and brushed it backwards. "Remu?" His expression changed.

I couldn't identify it very well. Mostly I could, not this time. He let me hug him and even hugged me back just then. I smiled and cried with him, silently.

We sat against the wall. He showed me his map. It was a map of the castle, with a lot of notes added, and secret paths and places. In the first year, and now too, sometimes, when I couldn't find him, he would be roaming all over the castle.

After some time, Regulus joined on Remus' other side and we joked a little. Remus told Regulus, "You never saw any of this."

When I said I could see most of the time how Remus, or others, were feeling, I didn't mean Regulus. He was an exception. He was nothing like Sirius, who was easy to read, whenever I saw him, anyway.

Remus was not very difficult either, except that's what I'd been thinking. He was genuinely happy, I knew that. Only when that distraction was gone again, he couldn't hold himself together. I felt sorry for him.

Then Remus did something unexpected. We sat in the corridor, our heads leaning against the cool wall. Remus was on my left side and Regulus on my right. I held Remus' hand and Remus spoke,

"Um, so, I'm actually just gonna say it."

He hesitated. He took a breath and opened his mouth. Then he let out his breath. He couldn't get the words to escape his throat.

"You've got a deep, dark secret which you're trying to keep a secret? Is that it?" Regulus asked. I turned my head to him. "Yeah." Remus said. "I suppose. I don't really know. Ah, forget it." He tried to shrug it off and even chuckled.

He must've thought he was being weird, and we wouldn't like him if he was being so open. Or something along those lines.

I let go of his hand and at that same time, Regulus stood up. "Almost curfew. Y'all coming?"