Cardinal

Chapter 21 Change

Ketchup, Mustard, Onion, Pickle, these were the steps in forming a regular hamburger within my job. As I made it though, nothing about it felt right. It seemed like I was messing things up when I wasn't, as if I were consistently failing. It was late into the night, roughly 10:30 by the time I was finishing up with my shift and getting ready to go. The only remnants that the shift ever existed were Nya and myself, helping with the sudden rush that hit overnight.

"It's okay Harrison, I got it from here," one of the overnight employee's stated, allowing me to leave. Quickly, I rushed over to the small machine that allowed people to clock in and out, almost knocking into Nya.

"Oh shoot! I'm sorry Nya," I stated, shocked at what almost happened.

"No, it's okay," she explained with a smile, clocking out as she did. "I'm going to be here a minute if you wanted to talk?"

"Sure," I said, forcing a smile. I still felt guilty about causing Mallie to leave and I still missed Mary. Truth was, I messed everything up and now I was being punished for it. Together, we clocked out and walked into the lobby, sitting down at a small, round table with two chairs on either side.

"This job has been hectic these days," she said jokingly, in which I chuckled.

"Yeah, it's been rough."

"How are you doing?"

"Good. Just been working and going on with life," I explained with a grin, before looking outside. It was dark out there, but the lights from the gas station helped illuminate the area around it.

"I meant without Mary." I continued to stare outside, but I just felt lost when she asked about her. I felt a change in me when she asked about Mary, causing me to silently stare into the darkness, wondering in her absence.

"I'm doing fine." She looked towards the front desk, before looking back at me.

"You can't lie to me Harrison. I'm your friend, I notice the small cracks in your voice and the way your eyes become emptier by the mention of her. Talk to me, where is Mallie?" Why did everyone want me to get with Mallie? What was it about us that everyone saw?

"Why are you asking about Mallie?" I looked towards her, feeling slightly annoyed by the fact that she keeps being mentioned when I wanted Mary and was heartbroken over her.

"Because you and her seem happy together."

"Not anymore..." Her face went blank, confused as to what I meant.

"What happened?"

"Why does it matter, I just want things to change..." A small frown formed across her face, causing her to sit back.

"You had that change."

"What do you mean?" I stared at her as she pushed the front legs of her chair up, leaning back against it. With eyes closed, she continued with her claim.

"You love Mary but yet, she never loved you. If she had stayed, you would consistently fall for her and never let go, causing you to become more and more depressed and heartbroken. Then she left, that was the change you are begging for now. Alongside that, you have someone who seems to really value and care for you-"

"Why Does Everyone Keep Talking About Mallie?!" I exclaimed loudly, annoyed and frustrated that I couldn't live without hearing her name being used as an excuse to question my loneliness. "You keep telling me to get with her, she wants me to get with her, Mary wanted me to get with her, what is so special about Mallie that causes me to have to live through this emotional torment when all I ever wanted was for Mary and I to be together? Why should I get with Mallie when Mary is the girl I always wanted?! I don't understand why things are this way?"

"Harrison, Mallie has a crush on you, isn't it obvious?" She put the legs back down, staring right at me as I continued talking.

"Yes, I know! I know she has a crush on me, and I know she cares about me more than any other guy here but that doesn't matter to me!" Her eye's went wide as I continued, showing no signs of stopping. "Why did things have to end like this, Nya? Why did Mary tell me to promise her that I won't leave Mallie when she knew I wanted her?! Why did the thought of Mallie have to ruin my final moments with Mary?!"

"I don't know Harrison, but that girl is important, and you know she is! She cares about you unlike Mary ever did!" She angrily stood up, looking down at me as she continued talking loudly, visibly frustrated by me. "You ask these stupid, petty questions on why Mary did this and Mallie did that, maybe it's because that's how your story goes, Harrison! You don't have Mary and you won't have her anymore because she's gone, she's not going to come back no matter how long you wait for her like a stupid dog!"

I silently stared at her, feeling the weight of all my emotions pressing against me as she stared at me, her face frowning in annoyance.

"Mary said she loved me before she left," I quietly stated, looking down at the white table.

"Do you actually believe her, after all of the things that have happened? Do you really think she loves you, Harrison?" I stared at the table, feeling the world around me start to crumble apart.

"Yes, yes I do." She stared at me, her frustrated face slowly changing to one of defeat and empathy.

"Mallie doesn't deserve this mess. My ride is here though so I'll see you another day." Quietly, she walked away from me as I continued to crumble apart. The table below me acquired little droplets of water as my head hung over it, annoyed and upset with myself and my actions. My lip trembled as I could only question everything...