embracing fate // yeonbinkai

20:02

20:02 - "you came back"

"nobody's walking you to uni today," beomgyu snuck up beside kai when he arrived in campus, taehyun wishing him good morning as well. "still not good with soobin hyung and yeonjun hyung?"

kai blushed in embarrassment. taehyun must have told beomgyu what happened, knowing that they don't keep anything from each other. "i think yeonjun hyung stopped by last night."

"he was persistent. i'm sorry," taehyun said, confirming it was true. "but he said it was only to drop your school things for today off."

"yeah."

contrary to the fuzzy memory he could collect from last night, he woke up alone but with the ghost of yeonjun in the warm opposite side of the bed and in the freshly made breakfast waiting on the dinner table. he saw his uniform hanging from the bathroom door, and it tugged a painful string in his heart.

he felt guilty and disappointed for the little part of him that reads their sentiments in a different light—they care because they love him, not because they see him as a child; but the latter lingers at the back of his mind no matter how hard he tries to get it off.

god, since when has he been so insecure of his age? he knew soobin and yeonjun always valued respect for each other but why is it suddenly making him feel this... alien in the relationship?

kai could only think about so much today.

"talk to them later, okay? i'm sure soobin hyung is going to pick you up after class," beomgyu tousled the hanging hair on kai's forehead as he said.

it made kai look at the older one with a pout. "should i apologize?"

"for leaving? you should; but for wanting to talk to them about something you feel? you shouldn't," beomgyu said what kai needed to hear. "communication is important in relationships. yeonjun hyung did wrong by shutting you out like that, same as soobin hyung who didn't do as much as he should have."

taehyun dragged both of them to nearby seats: stone benches by the entrance, but still gave them privacy. he trapped kai in a comforting hug, hoping to ease his distraught face. "they love you so much, you know?"

beomgyu didn't miss the way kai had to think longer before nodding. "i love them more."

"you're all grown up," beomgyu snickers, offering kai more comfort by sitting beside him and pulling his arm in a tight hold.

kai rolled his eyes and left gentle pats on the older one's knees to show appreciation. "always had been."

_______________

soobin didn't pick him up, courtesy to kai's wishes. instead, kai took his time walking alone to evaluate all the things he's been setting aside.

nobody said it was easy. certainly not soobin and yeonjun when they admitted to the possibilities of getting hurt, but it's worth it to withstand. "i love you; soobin loves you, too. that's all that matters," yeonjun said when kai hesitated to accept their hand, and he believed him.

love can only do so much.

it was love when they slept together with tangled arms and sweet kisses, but it's different when kai moved yeonjun and soobin's pillows to the cabinets because they weren't being used.

it was love when they playfully stepped on each other's toes under the table for dinner, but it's different when arguments ensue in the table they share.

kai didn't want to think about it, but it was love when yeonjun and soobin promised to always listen to each other's sentiments; different when kai felt like his thoughts and feelings didn't matter.

they were the things yeonjun and soobin agreed with him to talk about from the very beginning, and ironically, the things kai was dismissed to mention.

even so, when kai stepped inside their shared apartment for the first time since last night; it was still love when yeonjun enveloped him in a tight hug, stringing along gasps of relief and harsh breathing. "you came back," yeonjun's voice broke, but his hold never did until soobin tapped his back.

"we should talk," soobin addressed the elephant in the room. "we'll wait in the living room. kai, can you change into something more comfortable?"

his uniform is comfortable. kai didn't need to change—that's the least of his worries now—but he knew why soobin asked him something that sounded like home.

when kai slotted his bag with soobin's own by the door, it was a sign that he's not planning to leave any time soon. when kai made his way to their shared closet and changed, it was a sign that he's staying the night. things like that eased soobin's worries, even if it's unspoken of.

"are you leaving after this?" yeonjun, however, was as anxious as ever. he looked so fragile that he would probably break if kai even gets anywhere near the front door.

"i won't," kai assured, and for yeonjun, that was enough.

yeonjun will just have to make sure kai keeps his words until after the overdue talk.