embracing fate // yeonbinkai

19:53

19:53 - "lie"

time keeps running even when kai wants it to stop.

"huening kai!" it was soobin who approached him first, gaining unsolicited attention from students wandering by the campus gates. he just graduated---what is he doing here?--kai could not find the courage to ask.

it's his first week of university, his first year of college after taking several years of break. he swore he successfully escaped yeonjun and soobin's minds after the accidental meeting in the café. (beomgyu received an angry look from kai after the star soulmates left; he had to buy kai ice cream to make up for it.)

"they won't see you again---they'll be too busy applying for a job," beomgyu said confidently back then, but a few days later is soobin's car parked in the university parking lot.

yeonjun trailed behind, drawing a grimace on kai's face along with a forced smile. his immediate instinct was to grab his wrist and covering the mark the best he could; running away is in no way the best solution right now. not when soobin and yeonjun are basically towering over him... despite him being 6 feet tall.

"oh, hyung," kai chuckled nervously. he hopes for them to not notice his desperate attempts to conceal the star on his skin. "i have class in a few minutes. uh, what can i do for you?"

"we forgot to ask for your number," soobin said with the same smile kai used to fawn over every chance he could get.

but kai was still confused. they came all this way for that? "you could have asked taehyun or beomgyu hyung for it. no need to find all the trouble driving here."

"well, yeah, but we wanted to see you."

gulp.

"we missed you. it's been so long---what, 4... 5 years?! none of us heard from you."

"taehyun did," kai utters momentarily before taking out a piece of paper. quickly, he scribbled down his number and somehow managed to shove it in soobin's pocket. "here. i'm sorry i can't stay for long; i still have a lecture to attend."

a small wave of red rushed to yeonjun's cheeks. he's been quiet this entire time, completely different from the endearingly talkative yeonjun kai knew before. "no, no. you should go. what were we thinking for stalling you on a weekday! i'm sorry. we'll call you. we will! pick up our calls, okay?"

"sure."

kai knew he was lying.

________________

well, he did answer their calls, but it doesn't make him any less of a liar.

nobody was as disappointed as taehyun when kai apparently turned down a dinner offer for a homework due the next week---he didn't tell him the last 4 words and simply felt the guilt when he dropped the call first.

"you're making this harder for the three of you," taehyun hissed and ditched kai on a game night that he also used as another excuse to not meet yeonjun and soobin that day.

unfortunately, it doesn't end there.

that's the thing about lying. it constantly needs more lies to cover it up. so when yeonjun called him the third time, he had to lie about being sick; and when yeonjun offered to bring him food, he had to lie about making a last minute decision to buy groceries. (he knows that it doesn't make sense, and he wouldn't doubt that yeonjun already caught on by now. he just doesn't know when they'll stop.)

"do you really want them to stop, though?" beomgyu asked when he eavesdropped on a conversation kai was having with taehyun---it's not something to be surprised of at this point. "don't you miss them?"

"i do," kai, for the first time in days, was finally honest.

admitting that is anything but hard.

it's like admitting that he doesn't fit in a picture yeonjun and soobin perfectly made when they were younger; admitting that detangling himself from his intertwined fate with two happy people is a dumb idea, but it worked anyway... it was easy. everything about making yeonjun and soobin happy was easy to do anything for.

"they deserve to know, kai," taehyun was adamant.

kai knew he was right. "they'll hate me, wouldn't they?" he sighed. this was easy, too. "not because we're soulmates but because i lied."

"hyuka, they're the only ones who can confirm that."

taehyun was always right.

________________

they meet again in a chilly night, another moment when the time refuses to stop.

kai went out for a walk to clear his mind, only to end up seeing the very two people that's been flooding it since his return to seoul. he was once again a victim of fate's playful game.

his wrists and arms were covered with a jacket when yeonjun surged him with a surprising hug. he sighs, feeling content--kai wonders if he's worthy of even feeling an ounce of satisfaction from having his soulmate in his arms. this is a friendly gesture, he reminds himself. it had always been this way with yeonjun and soobin.

it's definitely one of the reasons why kai grew to hate himself even before his 18th birthday: suddenly, every caring touch made his heart race, and before he knew it, the way soobin and yeonjun calls his name is enough to fall in love all over again.

now, as soulmates, kai yearns.

"i thought you're sick?!" yeonjun cried when they pull apart, sensitive as soobin hushed him from his outburst.

kai rubbed the back of his head. "i feel better now."

"then why didn't you call? you keep telling us you can't make it to any of our invitations."

soobin snakes his arm around yeonjun's waist. "he's in university, hyung. give him a break."

yeonjun huffed, defeated. "whatever," he looks at kai with teary eyes, the wind might be the cause. "can we walk with you?"

if this was kai from yesterday, maybe he would have said no---come up with another poor excuse and more lies, then get eaten up by guilt right after. but he's tired now, too tired. he doesn't have the strength to leave when it feels so right to be here. in soobin's patient eyes, he sees a reason not to be afraid; in yeonjun's hopeful eyes, he sees a reason to stay.

kai let's himself do what he should have done long ago.

they stand by a metal railing with a body of water below, the bridge barely having any cars pass by. they've walked quietly for awhile; kai doesn't know if they're as scared as he is to invade his own mind. still, they found comfort in counting the lanterns that are floating above the river. that was enough to feel content.

"i missed you," soobin whispered when they were shoulder to shoulder. the younger one hoped that the unmistakable feeling of an unresolved bond isn't flooding soobin's senses like it's flooding his. "things weren't the same when you left."

"i missed you, too, hyung. i'm sorry for not saying goodbye."

"as long as you won't do that again," soobin pats kai's clothed head gently, similar to what they used to do in high school except the height has a major difference from before---the epiphany made soobin chuckle in endearment.

yeonjun, who's too occupied in taking pictures, suddenly nudged the hand that was resting on the railing. they didn't notice how the older of the three had fallen silent for quite some time now---it was only when yeonjun spoke that kai realized the mistake he made for leaving his wrist free in the air with only a loose cuff.

"is that your soulmate mark?"

kai doesn't have the power to lie again.