embracing fate // yeonbinkai

06:00

06:00 - "great mornings"

everyday starts with the smell of breakfast, disheveled duvet from three pairs of kicking feet, and the sound of yeonjun's humming in the shower.

kai's lectures never interrupt his mornings, he spends it with two people shuffling around the apartment; their work is the catalyst of every morning coffee. still, he wakes up with the murky sky---he sees soobin escape the bundle of intertwined arms and legs first and prepare a meal like it's the easiest thing to do in the world. (kai, despite knowing how to cook basic meals, was not allowed in the kitchen. "your hard boiled egg exploded, hyuka." "it was an accident!")

he'd watch as yeonjun rolls his way down the bed and wake up with a thud. "good morning, hyung," kai would greet and get a grunt in return. give yeonjun a few minutes and he'll spring back to have a dumb smile on his lips, ready for whatever soobin made for the day.

breakfast is kai's favorite; they sit in the dining table that has a dent in one end from a rough wrestling match yeonjun had with him over who's doing the dishes, and kai blurts out a random quote from 'kitchen nightmares' ("you fuckin' donut!" "you watched another episode without us?" "it got recommended when i was on break..")---yeonjun would talk about the food, shower soobin with compliments, while kai does that by emptying his plate.

they would talk about anything and nothing, everything making sense with affectionate hugs and hand holding. kai volunteers to wash the dishes every time and languish on kisses he would receive from his boyfriends for gratitude, his cheeks would burn red and hot amidst the chilly morning air.

soobin would leave before yeonjun, he gets the privilege to feel the gentle kiss on his forehead that kai loves to give first. "good luck today, hyungie," kai bids him goodbye every time.

yeonjun would be rushing whenever he's about to leave. recently getting his own car gave him so much freedom in taking his time (taking too much time)---he used to ride with soobin, but kai kisses him second now. "your tie isn't tied properly," kai would fix it for him any day.

"bye-bye, wifey," yeonjun fails a wink.

kai rolled his eyes. "the heteros brainwashed you into thinking that there should be a wife and a husband figure in every relationship."

"wouldn't mind being your husband though."

snort.

"good luck today, hyung. bye!"

kai pushes yeonjun out of the door and heads back to sleep.

mornings like this is the highlight of kai's day.

________________

some mornings are different, especially the mornings when kai isn't around to spend it with soobin and yeonjun.

"you'll survive a day without him---you survived five years," beomgyu receives a pillow in his face, yeonjun was close to suffocating him.

soobin pulled them apart, but only succeeded with he grabbed yeonjun's waist with strong arms. he hears yeonjun speak, "the last part was unnecessary, choi beomgyu!" he huffed. "this is the first time we're spending days apart in years."

"yeah, yeah. i'm sorry, that was below the belt. but... if you weren't okay with him to go on that training then why did you let him?"

"we didn't want to sound clingy," yeonjun answered and it prompted a series of snickers from the younger boy.

yeonjun was now sitting on the heated floor without soobin's hold when beomgyu shot him a teasing look. "but you are clingy!"

beomgyu meets a second pillow for the day.

rewinding it a bit, kai is miles away and will be miles away for the next 3 days. it's for an organization he joined that he was far too enthusiastic to attend for yeonjun and soobin to tell him no.

"binnie, get yeonjun off me!" beomgyu was screaming for help, but his best friend only watched his suffering. he deserves it for contributing to soobin's already countless thoughts.

"you survived five years"---that, they did, but that was almost completely one-sided. if anything, it's kai who could probably handle the distance better than anyone in their bond. soobin doubts that he would even be fazed; he's probably carpooling with his club members right now, enjoying the breeze, and experiencing another peak of life in university. would kai pick up if he called him right now? maybe he has his phone on silent or turned off. (although, kai was never the type to do that, but the idea that the distance wasn't driving kai as crazy as them isn't something soobin could calmly comprehend.)

in a morning, a weekend, soobin feels yeonjun curling in his chest. he looked so vulnerable and peaceful, in a state soobin was very familiar to even before kai came into their lives as an addition in their relationship---but soobin couldn't fall back to sleep.

"you're thinking so much, babe. should i make you breakfast this time?" yeonjun mumbled, half-asleep. he probably sensed soobin's eyes glued on him for the longest time.

"yes, please."

yeonjun used to make him breakfast before.

"it will be like the old days," yeonjun chuckled dryly and forced himself to get up.

soobin was left alone in the room, looking at the folded up canopy that kai despises. he thought about the fact that he and yeonjun had spent the entire night sleeping on the bed, but it feels so cold.

________________

"i feel so tired today. do you have anything to do?"

"i might spend the entire sunday sleeping."

soobin and yeonjun have breakfast, they make each other coffee. side dishes were passed left and right, plates were set aside to be washed later, and the morning sun burnt their skin a little too harsh---this morning was strange.

yeonjun sits on soobin's lap in the couch and nuzzles his head in the crook of soobin's neck. the position was rather awkward, but it was comfortable---soobin hand on yeonjun's waist was calming and it sent a tingly feeling in his skin. they were healing, something they have always done, but it didn't feel the same.

"it's lonely without kai," soobin finally admits. "it's like.."

"things are not enough?"

soobin sighs. "you are enough, hyung. you'll always be enough."

"that's not what i meant, baby. you're enough, too!" yeonjun doesn't hesitate to kiss soobin's lips. he trapped his head between his hands, invading without restrain. "it's just that---kai has been with us for so long. waking up without him doesn't feel right when he kisses us goodbye every morning. you get me?" he pulled away, just enough for their lips to part.

"i do."

"it's so hard to explain."

"but i understand. i understand that things changed the moment we found out kai is ours," soobin whispered close. "i miss him."

"i miss him, too, baby. i'm afraid to admit it but beomgyu was right."

yeonjun smiles in soobin's lips, foolishly making their forehead bump into each other. "we're clingy."

"should we call?"

"we should."

________________

the phone rings, then it falls silent for a few seconds.

"good morning!" kai's voice was heard; both soobin and yeonjun thought their morning was complete.