embracing fate // yeonbinkai

23:59

23:59 - "stars"

if there was anything that kai learned after so many years—it's the fact that the universe liked spinning him around in soobin and yeonjun's axis. he will, despite all attempts, always find himself tangled with them in every way.

and at this point, kai gave up on prolonging each other's agony while taehyun and beomgyu not-so-subtly locked the third room in the cabin. ("oh no! this is bad news!" "oh no—shut up, beomgyu hyung. we all know you did it on purpose.")

"do you mind?" soobin asked him amidst the playful banters thrown left and right, mostly about room arrangements that kai was too tired to even intervene. but soobin's question made him wonder: do i mind? sleeping near his soulmates is a dream come true.

kai wasn't aware that everyone was waiting for his response, and absentmindedly, he smiles. "it's fine. i'll set up the extra foton."

"all set!" beomgyu clapped his hands together in glee, but taehyun cuts the celebration short by dragging his noisy boyfriend out of the other three's hair. everything was bound to lead up to this moment; he knows better than to overstay their stay.

"are you sure? you can always take the bed," yeonjun worries about kai's implication in his previous statement.

"it's just one night, hyung. plus, you're my guest. sleep comfortably tonight with a light heart," kai reassured. it's a 'two days, one night' trip—a lot shorter in retrospect, but a lot longer now that they're standing close in a room that doesn't give them enough space to stand ten feet away from each other—kai can take as much as sleep on the floor.

when soobin and yeonjun finished washing up, kai was already fixing his pillows on the floor. they were about to offer help, but it wasn't anything grand at all: "i can do it on my own. it's okay."

and it really was—it's just a bunch of pillowcases and a blanket. it didn't take much of kai's time when he was already reaching for his bag to change in a jiffy.

he looks behind him to see his soulmates all snuggled up in bed, but looking at him with wide eyes. "i'll just wash up," kai announced, even though he didn't have to.

________________

kai couldn't sleep, even after the two-hundredth sheep. he made himself hot chocolate and sat by the beach, not the best mixture considering the frosty wind. his coat and scarf could only keep him warm long enough, but that's all he needs right now.

when the fourth star twinkle before his eyes, kai felt a pull from the cabin. strange. he will never find the soulmate norm... normal. it was always amusing—he always loved it since he was young, but oddly enough now, despite having every reason to hate it, he never does.

having a deeper connection with soobin and yeonjun is everything he could ask for: to feel their presence before they're even there, to love them fully beyond all pain, and to share the prettiest mark he has ever laid his eyes on. what's there to hate?

perhaps this was the moment everything settled in and he's learned to accept it.

soobin and yeonjun are his soulmates.

soobin and yeonjun are soulmates.

kai grew to know. it's better late than never.

"kai, where did you go?" yeonjun and soobin were huddled by the door when kai came back minutes later. he could almost feel their worries, and he wanted to take everything away.

he raised his mug with a smile, genuinely. "i couldn't sleep, so i went out on a walk."

"you scared me," yeonjun whispered as he got closer, still careful not to touch. "i woke up and didn't see you. i thought something bad happened."

"i know the place like the back of my hand, hyung. i even know everybody. you don't need to worry about such a thing here," kai said. "but since we're all awake now, why don't we finally talk about it?"

"what 'it'..?" yeonjun trailed off; soobin got it from the start.

kai placed the mug on one of the tables outside, and gently tugged his sleeve down to show his bandage. slowly, he unwrapped his wrist that's beautifully marked with a familiar star that yeonjun and soobin knew by heart. "you deserve an explanation—that's the least i could do."

"should we head inside?"

kai shakes his head. "can we stay here? i don't want to wake beomgyu hyung and tyunnie."

"it's cold out. you only have that coat on, you idiot," soobin finally said. he took his jacket off and wrapped it around a hesitant kai, but soobin was careful enough to not touch his skin.

"how about you?" kai frowned, but it's hidden by the scarf that soobin pulled up.

"you better hurry up before i freeze to death, then."

kai scoffs. "i will," where do i start? "i knew you were my soulmate even before i turned eighteen. the soulmate pull was just... something else. i was always drawn to both of you, and i thought it was purely platonic, but then-" on second thought, this was more embarrassing than kai ever imagined. "but then i realized that i wanted this. i wanted you. i don't know if it's because you always took care of me, i don't know if it's because you loved me dearly; but i loved you the most."

yeonjun breathes, hitching at one point. "loved?"

"it would have been easier if i stopped," it was the point of no return. "i'm sorry that i still do, and i'm sorry that i left without letting you know."

it all crumbled like the crust. sometimes, you'll feel the most before feeling the worst, and at that moment, all kai ever wants is for yeonjun and soobin to tell him that they loved him too.

that was wishful thinking.

"we can keep going on like this—you don't have to think of me. we can still be friends, and i promise that i won't disappear without telling you goodbye again," that was another thing that kai had to apologize for, and he said this with a lump in his throat. kai was always great at holding his tears, but if he were to stay longer, it would be torture. "soulmates or not, i want both of you in my life. please, stay with me, even if it's just like this."

this was a moment when the world fell mute—the silence was killing him. even the waves that he used as lullabies grew quiet, and he despises the way his heartbeat overpowers everything that he'd rather hear.

say something, he begs in his mind.

and maybe soobin heard it as yeonjun walked closer, but his mind was already clouded when soobin wrapped him in his hold without restraint. kai grew weak, and his body felt numb. his chest tightens and his heart quickens.

if this was death; it's euphoric. for the moment he closed his eyes, yeonjun's yelp was the last thing he heard.