- today i saw the whole world
and i think heaven has a plot to take my life
- teen wolf
season one : complete.
season two : complete
season three- six: tbd
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the first day.
___
PAXTON BRIDGER loved being alive. Not physically but mentally. She loved the adrenaline rush from tall rollercoasters, the way haunted houses would send her into a thrill, she loved fast car rides and the wind in her hair. It was the butterflies in her stomach that made her feel alive, a sign that something important is happening. She hasn't felt excitement in what feels like an eternity. Suddenly, she couldn't remember a time in her life where she felt alive. She almost believes she had been faking it the entire time.
Had she been lying to herself? Were those times only a dream? It had become easy for her to overlook the good times in her life when there had been so many bad times. It didn't mean she wasn't grateful for the happy memories she could remember, they were just overshadowed. For her, when things were good, it meant something bad was lurking around the corner.
It was hard for her to find anything good in these past two weeks. It didn't worry her but it did scare her. She became comfortable to live with the gray cloud looming over her. How long would it last before the cloud starts to storm? Or, what if the cloud disappears? Would that mean that the sun would shine once again? If the sun shines bright, it would only invite in another cloudy day.
Her mind had been constant anxious thoughts for the last two weeks. If she were more honest with herself, she would know that they had been swirling around in her head for much longer that those weeks.
But she couldn't think of that today.
Today, she has to go to school. She had been dreading the day for a while now. If it were up to her she wouldn't go back, she would simply lie in bed for the rest of her life. She knows she has to dig herself out of the hole she has created for herself but she doesn't know how. It was as if it were crashing down on her, weighing her down.
"We don't have to go today, you know that, right?" Charlie asks her as the two sit in the parking lot of the school. She pushes her head up from where she's laying in the passenger seat, sharing a knowing look with her brother.
They both knew it was too late to turn around but they both contemplated it.
She leans her seat up from its reclined position, "I have a yearbook meeting today. Plus, you have lacrosse," she reminds him in an attempt to be positive about them tending to their responsibilities.
"They won't even notice I'm gone," he shrugs, a charming smile rising on his face.
"You're captain," she rolls her eyes as she reaches into the backseat to grab her bag.
Once she has it in her lap, he does the same. "Co-captain," now he's the one reminding her of things.
"Jackson Whittemore is not competent enough to be in charge of a bunch of smelly, teenage boys."
