afloat

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I'm trying to be okay,
I swear it's not enough.
My heart is still heavy,
For I've got lots of things to carry.

I slept with a heavy heart.
It wasn't such a good night.
I wanted to be accepted,
But there was none who would listen to me.

I wanted to be the person I want to be,
But I know I couldn't.
My dreams, you'd say, are useless.
And I feel that somehow, I am too.

It's always been so hard for me, don't you know?
I've always been hiding it instead of letting it show.
I know all of you are struggling because of me
'Cause I'm stubborn and I don't have a sense of direction.

I feel so judged.
My heart breaks too quickly.
I feel like I've no reason to exist.
I've no reason to smile.

All I ever want is a life so simple yet peaceful.
I don't want to be the person you want me to be.
I don't want to live up to what people expect from me anymore.
It's so draining, I swear.

How am I supposed to live life to the fullest,
When I feel like my life's nothing but filled with problems?
How am I supposed to grow,
When I couldn't even feel that I can stand on my own?

Growing up,
I never felt like I was heard.
I always felt like people were exhausted of me.
I always felt like a nuisance.

If there's one thing that could make me happy,
That's to be heard, seen and valued.
For now, I feel like I'm just going to stay afloat.
With my head high above the surface, I'll figure what I want someday.

I'm still so lost right now,
I don't know what I want or who I want to be when I grow up.
My head is filled with options,
Yet I couldn't concentrate on one thing only.

It's gonna be tough.
I've never dealt with this before.
The reason why I couldn't choose for myself-
Is that I never had the chance to get what I wanted when I was young.

I've always been okay with not getting what I want,
And now I struggle to get what I want.
I'm sorry, Mom.
I'm sorry, I'm not the person you wanted me to be.

Please allow me to breathe.
Please allow me to exist lively.
Please allow me to make mistakes.
Please allow me to be myself, for once.

I love you so much, it hurts me.
I wish I could tell you what I feel.
But I know you're tired of me.
I'm so sorry.

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