Lost and Found

a grieving heart

My heart is grieving;
From all the pain, the sadness and the loneliness I've dealt with.
It is tired.
It is upset.
I am grieving, but I don't know if I can do what could make me happy.
When I was little,
I never had the chance to grieve from my childhood.
It felt like it was gone too soon from me.
This is why whenever I come across my old photos,
I couldn't help but cry.
I miss how life used to be.
I miss how happy I used to be.
I miss how much I didn't care about anything at all.
I miss how insensitive I was.
I miss how I was naughty.
I miss how I wasn't broken enough to cry every night.
I miss my energetic self.
It faded away.
Not only do I miss my childhood,
But I miss my old self.
I lost the person I was before.
She was very down to earth.
She thinks of everything so positively.
She radiates a beam of light within her.
But after experiencing despair,
I lost her.
Yes, I did.
Her smile changed.
Her eyes changed.
You could see it when you look at her smiles,
Sometimes they don't seem to look real.
And her eyes,
They're filled with emotions you'll find it hard to fathom.
She used to be so happy,
What happened?
Life was meant to go on.
She only went along the flow, but she was still hurting deep down.
She was voiceless.
She was anxious.
She was sad.
She was alone.
And I do still grieve for her-
Because she's a part of me I didn't want to lose.
She used to be a part of me.
But because of everything that I've experienced,
Every part of her has faded.
This is why I grieve.
I grieve not because of the sadness.
I grieve because I lost the person I was before.
It's alright.
I know she'll come back stronger one day.
But for now,
I'll be grieving for her loss.