Last Hope - (Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor)

SHAME

TW : Anxiety, Mention of Abuse, PTSD

Sarah POV :

I really didn't understand why Lizzie had this panic attack. I ate a bit and immediately came to my bedroom. I checked on Lizzie to make sure she was still sleeping and safe in her room and as she was, I went to sleep.

Few hours later, I felt a warm body against me. Holland was home and she was cuddling me so I kissed her and fell asleep again.

I woke up late and as I made my way downstairs, I noticed that Lizzie's door was open. I figured out she must be on the living room watching TV but when I got down, she wasn't there. I started freaking out so I ran to my bedroom to wake Holland.

"Darling, darling wake up please, I can't find Lizzie." I said shaking Holland. She quickly stood up and look upstairs as I was seeking downstairs. I was panicking at this point, until Holland yelled my name. I ran upstairs and I discovered Holland looking at the window with a little smile.

"She's here, look." She says, showing me the little bench on our backyard. Lizzie was drawing under a tree, very peacefully. I took a deep breathe as the panic was slowly leaving my body. Holland turned to face me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"You need to relax my love. You know she can feel your stress."

"I know, but I can't help, she seems so helpless. I just want to be here for her."

"And you do it very well, but just try to breathe sometimes before panicking and everything will be okay I promise." She kissed me and took my hand. As it was already 11 am, we made a brunch and when it was ready, I went outside to tell Lizzie. I try to approach her as softly as I could not to startle her, but I did.

Lizzie POV :

I was quietly drawing under a tree since 8 am. I woke up very early and before Sarah and Holland but I didn't want to bother them so I just went outside to breathe a little and take some times to do what I liked and what release tensions for me, as I was still shaking a bit from yesterday's panic attack.

But I suddenly felt someone getting closer to me so I jumped a little. I turned to see Sarah smiling at me. Her hair were messy but she seemed rested.

"Hi love, Holland and I made a brunch, do you want to come eat with us ?"

I simply nodded and came inside. A delightful smell of bread and hot chocolate made my stomach rumbling.

"Someone's hungry ?" Asks Sarah as she heard the noise my stomach made. I giggled in response and sat between Holland and Sarah. There was so many things to eat on the table and I stared for few minutes, wondering what I was going to start with.

"Come on sweetheart, take what you want." Sarah said, very softly.

I took some toasts with avocado, and then I ate banana bread with hot chocolate. I finished the brunch with pancakes and some apple compote. I was full and I could feel I had some jelly in the corner of my mouth. I tried to take it off with my napkin but I couldn't see that I had jelly on my chin too. Sarah noticed I was struggling so she took her own napkin to wipe the jelly off of my face but with her sudden move towards me, I immediately felt like she was going to hit me. I fell on the ground in a ball waiting for the kicks.

Sarah POV :

I tried to help Lizzie getting the jelly off of her chin but I must have been a little too violent on my movement because she fell on the ground. Without any sounds, she stayed in a ball on the floor. It was like she was waiting for someone to hit her.

I slowly stood up and crouched next to her. I gently put my hand on her shoulder and she started shaking. Holland was watching the whole scene in silence, not knowing how to react. In fact, I didn't really know how to act as well, but I needed to make Lizzie understand that I wasn't going to hit her, never.

"Sweetie, look at me, I won't hurt you, I will never hurt you I promise." As she wasn't moving, I took her on my lap. "Look at me baby, it's Sarah, you're safe here, no one is going to hurt you. Please open your eyes for me. Show me the beautiful eyes of yours."

She slowly opened her eyes to be met with mine. I tried to give her a reassuring smile and when she felt comfortable enough, she buried her head on my neck. She started playing with my hair and I could feel her slow breathe against my neck. We stayed like that for few minutes until I slowly pulled away. She immediately felt ashamed of jumping into my arms and stood up. She looked at me with red cheeks, and started to apologize.