Last Hope - (Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor)

TRUTH

TW : Anxiety, Talk of Rape and Abuse

Lizzie POV :

I heard the front door opening and Holland and Dr Grey joined Sarah and I in my bedroom. Holland looked very worried so Sarah asked her gently to leave the room, in order not to scare me even more, because I was internally panicking. I didn't want to show my fright but when Dr Grey took her tools out of her bag, I started hyperventilating.

"Hey, hey honey listen to me, Dr Grey is here to help you okay ? She won't do anything you're uncomfortable with and you know her now, she is nice and gently, she won't hurt you." said Sarah.

Dr Grey approached my bed and took a sit in a chair, next to my feet.

"Can I take a look ?" She asked gently.

I nodded and she pulled down the cover. Her concerned sight made me panic a bit more but I was able to control my breathing, as I was trusting Sarah, Meredith Grey was a great doctor, and she was very soft.

She warned me before touching my belly, and pressing on the lower part.

"Ouch !"

"Does it hurts more when I press here ?" She asked moving her palm on my lower stomach.

"Yes." I sighed in pain.

"And here ?" She demanded moving her hand near to my pubis, and I bent over abruptly because the pain was far more present there.

"Okay. I'm going to do a quick ultrasound of your uterus."

"What ??" I asked sitting on my bed.

Sarah made me lay again and explained me what was an ultrasound.

"It's just a machine, like a camera which can look through your skin so that Dr Grey can check if there is anything wrong, without going inside. And it's not painful."

"Do you ever had one ?" I asked Sarah, a little more peaceful.

"Yes, few times for stomach problems, and I promise you, you'll feel nothing, just a cold sensation on your tummy but nothing more."

"Okay..." I sighed, trying to convince myself.

Dr Grey came back to me with the machine and pulled up my shirt, just below my breast. She then put a transparent cream on my skin and started pressing it with the nozzle of the machine. It wasn't painful, but unpleasant. She was looking at a screen during the whole procedure, until frowning on something. I couldn't see the screen as I was laying but Sarah could, so Dr Grey explained to her what she was seeing.

"You see, here it's the uterus. And normally, here you can see a line." She said pointing the screen. "But in Lizzie's uterus, the line is like broken."

I wasn't really understanding what she was talking about until she asked me.

"Lizzie, was it your first assault ?"

"I- I mean it was not like... the first time." I said starting to get uncomfortable.

Dr Grey said nothing and put away the ultrasound and her tools, before coming back next to me. Sarah was staring all of her movements, because she was as much in misunderstanding as I was.

"Lizzie..." She spoke again. "What you say in this room, stays in this room. I want you to be completely honest with me right now, for the benefit of your health. Alright ?"

I nodded.

"Two days ago, was it the first time you were raped ?" She said in one breathe.

I suddenly looked down, fidgeting with my fingers.

"I need to know, it's important. You see, there is an abnormality on your uterus, and I need to know if it's something you were born with, or if it's because of multiples rapes. Because in both cases, I won't use the same way to treat you. You understand ? And it could be dangerous for you if I don't use the right method to heal this problem."

I was still stering at my lap when I felt Sarah lifting my chin. I was forced to look at her and I could see the fear, but also the love in her eyes. She wanted the best for me, I could tell, but I was so ashamed of what happened to me. Except I didn't have a lot of choice here. Lying and putting my health in danger, or saying the truth and being properly treated.

"I- No." I whispered.

"No what ?" Sarah asked, while Dr Grey was carefully listening.

"No. It wasn't the first time I was raped." I said tears sprinkling in my already wet eyes.

Sarah let go off my chin to pull me in a hug.

"Thank you for telling us Lizzie. Now I need to know when was the first time, and how many times it happened."

It was so hard for me to talk about it but it was the moment. The moment to say everything I wrote I my diary about the abuse I suffered during years. I took a deep breathe and started.