Last Hope - (Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor)

PUNISHMENT

Author's note : hi guys, as I wrote in public message, I've been admitted yesterday in a mental hospital. I have my phone but I don't know if I'll able to update this story often, I'm sorry.

I hope you're all okay, don't hesitate to sand me a dm if you're not, love you all <3

Take care x

TW : Self-Harm, Mention of Abuse

Lizzie POV :

We were home after the picnic with Holland. It was great, even if we talked about my past a bit. I was not very comfortable talking about it, and I surely didn't want Sarah and Holland to know about all the bad things that happened to me, it was too embarrassing and serious.

When I stepped in my bedroom, I immediately wanted to write about the wonderful day I spent with Holland. I looked for my notebook on the nightstand but it wasn't here. I was sure I put it here last night ! I started to panic until I sat on my bed to cry. But when I sat, I felt something under me. My notebook ! It was on my bed the whole time ! I found myself stupid at first, but then I wondered why it was there. I was sure I put it in the nightstand. That meant... That meant someone had touched it ! And it could only be Sarah because Holland and I were out all day. I was so angry. It was my intimacy ! The only thing I could keep to myself, this notebook was my whole secret garden, no one never read it... Until Sarah. I was angry but above all disappointed. She was so nice since I arrived, I thought I could trust her, but I was wrong the whole time. I was even more mad at myself, it wasn't Sarah's fault, it was mine. I shouldn't have let myself open to her. I shouldn't have talk to her and let my feelings shown. I felt like I needed to punish myself for that. I walked across my bedroom, looking for something to punish me. What if I stopped nourishing my body ? What if I slap myself across the face ? What if... And I suddenly noticed my razor, laying next to the sink.

I've heard about people cutting their wrists to ease their pain, and that was absolutely what I needed. I took the blade off of the razor and locked the door. Then, I sat on the floor and I started cutting my skin. At first, the wounds weren't deep, but then slowly they became deep and they were bleeding a lot. I tried to stop the bleeding with tissues, but it didn't work. I started to panic as the blood was streaming down my arms, my clothes and the floor. Tears were blurring my vision and I started gasping for air.

Sarah POV :

I dried myself and I joined Holland who was sitting on the bed.

"You wanted to talk to me about something dear ?" She asked.

I sighed and I sat next to her.

"Yes, it's about Lizzie. You know, the woman who dropped her here, Helen, Lena..."

"Helena." Corrected Holland, listening very carefully to each word I was saying.

"Helena told us about Lizzie's difficult past. But she didn't mentioned things in particular." I finished.

"Yes, but Lizzie told me about it a little bit more this afternoon."

"She did ?" I asked Holland.

"Yes, but she only said that it was difficult for her because the previous families had abused her, and did somethings to her. But I don't know what." She replied.

"Well, I know." I said, tears filling my eyes.

"How ?" She asked again.

"I did something I wasn't supposed to do, but I needed to know."

Holland frowned, and I kept going.

"I read her notebook, in which she writes everything. At first I read about last night, when we played together. Then she was writing about her previous family and..."

"And ?" Holland demanded impatiently.

"And it was written that she had been raped, tied, starved, hit and even worst things..." I answered totally breaking down.

"Oh dear God." Whispered Holland before taking me in her warm embrace. "Poor girl."

She comforted me for few minutes until my sobs were only soft cries. She pulled away and looked me deep in the eyes.

"I don't agree with what you did. Her notebook is her privacy. But now that we know, we need to make sure that she's okay. We are going to try to talk to her, because we clearly saw before that she's traumatized." Said Holland reassuringly, and I agreed with her.