The Song of My Soul

Chapter 25

(Bill pov)

20 years later

The rain patters against the windshield, the weather making anyone want to just curl up with a good book. That's what he would do on a day like today anyway. I look down at my hands on the steering wheel and clench them tightly trying to make them stop shaking.

I glance at my reflection in the review mirror fixing my tie before I get out of my car opening my umbrella. I carry the bouquet of roses as I walk past the dozens of other graves until I come to his.

"....Hi Pinetree. Sorry I'm late, traffic was an absolute nightmare." I kneel down setting the roses down. "Happy anniversary. I would always surprise you by bringing you red roses and take you some place nice. I'm pretty sure after 18 years of that it wasn't much of a surprise anymore. But you loved it and I love you." I smile slightly feeling tears stinging my eyes.

".....Dad...."

Wiping the back of my hand over my eyes I stand up and look behind me seeing Winter standing there, hugging her arms shivering. Her black dress had spaghetti straps and only went down to her knees. She wore her usual black combat boots but it was not at all good outfit for this weather. Her soaked long blonde hair clung to her skin.

"What are you doing here sweetie? How did you even get here?"

"I took the bus.....you never came to get me...."

"Shit I am so sorry. I....look we can still make it on time-"

"No we can't. The auditions ended an hour ago...."

"I am so sorry Winter. But we can try it again next year and there are always other auditions."

"....C-Can we just go home?"

"Yeah." I look at Dipper's grave one last time resting my hand on it. "Goodbye, Dipper. Love you."

I put my arm around Winter and lead her to the car.

Once we're in the car I crank up the heat and start the long drive back home. I see her put her earbuds in, meaning she doesn't want to talk.

I sigh softly as I eventually pull into our driveway. She just gets out of the car and uses her own key to get in.

I head inside stepping out of my shoes and putting the umbrella back in the closet.

I head upstairs undoing my tie as my phone rings. I take it out seeing it's Kill and answer the call as I step into my room. "Hey."

"Hey man. How you doing?"

"....I don't know." I toss my suit jacket off.

"Did you go see him?"

"Yeah. Brought him roses just like I always would." I sink down in my desk chair and look up at the ceiling feeling tears stinging my eyes again. "......it's so hard....I know it's only been a few months but everything is so much harder without him here with us."

"How is Winter doing with everything?"

"I think she hates me."

"Don't say that man. She's 16 and just lost one of her dads."

"I know but I just keep fucking things up. Like today. Last year she heard about this audition for this super fancy acting school. She practiced for a whole year to get ready for it. We had planned ahead of time that I would take her to the audition before going to celebrate my anniversary with Dipper and her then her best friend would come pick her up and they would spend the night at her friend's house."

"So what happened?"

"With everything that happened I forgot all about it. I know that she was still practicing the lines in her room it just didn't properly realize why until today. I was supposed to pick her up from school to take her to the audition but instead....instead I bought flowers and made the 2 hour drive to the cemetary.....I don't know what to do. We barely talk to each other anymore."

"Maybe find something you both can connect with."

"Like what?"

"What about music? That's something she likes."

"Yeah but all she listens to are these depressing songs that I just can't fully understand. I have tried to introduce her to different music, she just isn't interested."

"Didn't Dipper have a lot of music in studio?"

"Yeah.....but no one has gone in there since he got sick."

"Maybe now it's time for you to go back in there. You said yourself last week that you need to sort through his things anyway." I hear voices on his end. "I have to go. We'll talk more later."

I hang up before pushing myself out of the chair and go to his studio, slowly opening the door.

The room is a mess with my drums, his guitar, and the countless boxes of tapes. Some are just ones he listend to since he preferred listening to tapes and some are songs we made before we adopted Winter.

I step into the room nearly tripping on a box. I kneel down to it and look at the year on it confused. All the boxes are labeled by month and year. This one the end date is the month before he died. But we didn't make any new music after he got diagnosed. When Winter started high school and started getting into music me and Dipper had started recording music again. But we stopped after the diagnosis because he just was sick all the time.

I open the box going through the familiar cassette tapes until I come to the one that wasn't familiar with. The label read 'Dear Winter'

Standing up I head to Winter's room and knock on her door softly.

When she doesn't answer I slowly open the door and see her sitting on her bed with earbuds in.

I sit on the edge of her bed as she takes the earbuds out, still not looking at me. "Look, I know that things have been really hard but I found something that might be good for the both of us. You still have that old boombox we gave you when you were 12?"

"....in the closet...."

I go to her closet taking the boombox out and set it on her desk plugging it in and pop the tape in. Tears spring to my eyes again as I hear his voice again.

"Hey Winter. I know that I am gone if you're listening to this, and hopefully you're listening to it with Bill since this is something you both need to hear.

Dear Winter, I hope you like your name
I hope they don't make fun of you
When you grow up and go to school, okay?
'Cause Winter is a badass name
Dear Winter, I hope you talk to girls
Or boys or anyone you like
I just hope you don't stay in every night
'Cause I wish I was out tonight

It really doesn't seem like there's anyone for me
But dear Winter, I hope you like your name
I'm hoping that someday, I can meet you on this earth
But shit, I gotta meet your dad first

Dear Winter, I hope you like this song
And even when you're thirteen
And you scream at me for parenting you wrong
I hope it's still a badass song

It really doesn't seem like there's anyone for me
But dear Winter, I hope you like your name
You know I cannot wait to teach you how to curse
But shit, I gotta meet your dad first

Dear Winter, don't move too far away
And please don't say I'm hovering
When I text you to ask about your day
I wanna hear about your day

Will we still hang out and talk
When I'm no longer in charge
Oh, dear Winter, I hope you like your name
I hope you let me take a shot with you on your 21st
But shit, you gotta ask your dad first

Dear Winter, I'm looking for your dad
I gotta find a boy that doesn't mind
That I'm inside my head a lot
Winter, it won't be too long
First, I just gotta find your dad"

I feel tears going down my face. I turn and look at Winter and see she's crying too. I sit next to her on the bed and pull her into a hug.

"I miss him....so so much...."

"I know, I miss him too. But we're going to be okay. I promise."

The End