The Song of My Soul

Chapter 6

(Dipper pov)

Ever since my kiss with Bill earlier, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. What does this mean for us? Are we just friends still? Something more? Does he want to be my boyfriend? I know I would love that but I don't know if it's what he wants. If my mom even knew that I was gay she would flip the fuck out. I get pulled out of my thoughts as the bell for lunch rings. I look down at my sketchbook seeing that I had been sketching a picture of Bill. Feeling myself blushing I quickly put it back into my backpack and take the east hall since it's the quickest way to the lunchroom. No one usually goes in this hallway since there aren't any classrooms in this hall. I stop in my tracks seeing two other people in the hallway. Taking a few steps closer it feels like my heart stops as I witness my own sister kissing Bill with her hand groping his crotch. I quickly turn away and hurry out of that hall not wanting to see anymore.

I take the longway to the lunch room and sit at my usual table away from everyone else. I rest my head on the table as I fight back the tears. I was such a fucking idiot for thinking that Bill actually meant anything with that kiss to me. He is the most popular guy at the school and I'm a complete nobody, just an invisible nerd that no one sees or hears. "Hey Pinetree." I hear him set his stuff down in the seat next to me but I try to ignore him. "Yo, dude, you okay?"

He puts his hand on my shoulder and I jerk away, getting up from my seat. "Don't fucking touch me you jerk!"

He looks shocked at my reaction, his eyes widening slightly. "Dipper, what's the matter?"

"Just leave me alone. I don't want to ever see you or talk to you again. You can keep my stupid guitar but we are done."

I try to walk away but he grabs my arm. "W-Wait! Dipper, just please tell me what did I do wrong? Did I say something or offend you somehow?"

I pull my arm out of his grasp. "Just leave me alone!" I start to walk out again.

"Dipper Pines, just answer me goddammit!" I look back seeing Bill standing on someone else's lunch table. "If I did something wrong or said something you didn't like then please just tell me."

"You really want to fucking do this now." Growling I get up on the table keeping myself a few feet away from him. "Fine, since you like embarressing me here so much let's see how you fucking like it." I take out my phone and get the perfect song playing.
"I don't love you, I don't need you
I don't ever want to see you again
'Cause girl, I moved on and things are perfect
I'm okay with us just being friend" I struggle to contain my tears, each and every word of this song feels like it's stabbing my heart.

"'Cause I don't think about you every
Single night; I'll be fine without you
Can sleep tight when I'm not beside you; I'm moving on
No, I don't cry about you; never seen tears in my eyes about you
Gonna be fine if I die without you; baby, I'm gone

These are the lies that I tell myself at night
These are the lies that are keeping me alive
These are the lies
These are the lies

I've got a new girl and she's my whole world
And I don't care if you're not sleeping alone
'Cause life is so good; I'm doing so good
Don't spend hours sitting here by the phone

Cause I don't think about you every
Single night; I'll be fine without you
Can sleep tight when I'm not beside you; I'm moving on
No, I don't cry about you; never seen tears in my eyes about you
Gonna be fine if I die without you; baby, I'm gone

These are the lies that I tell myself at night
These are the lies that are keeping me alive
These are the lies
These are the lies

These are the lies. These are the lies
These are the lies. These are the lies
These are the lies. These are the lies
These are the lies. These are the lies
These are the lies. These are the lies

Cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it
Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you" My hands clench my hair tightly, the tears stinging and blurring my vision.
"'Cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it
Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you
'Cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it
Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you
'Cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it
Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you" He comes near me but I swat his hands away.

"These are the lies that I tell myself at night
These are the lies that are keeping me alive
These are the lies
These are the lies that I tell myself at night
These are the lies that are keeping me alive
These are the lies
These are the lies"

I jump off the table and run out of there before he can say anything, shoving open the door to the nearest bathroom. Making sure all the stalls are empty I fall against the wall as the hot tears pour down my face. I slide to the ground hugging my knees to my chest and sob into my knees. This may seem ridiculous but in all honesty, I've had a crush on Bill every since middle school when I was first realizing that I liked boys instead of girls. I knew that any chance of me being with him was nonexistent but still it hurt so much more since I had allowed myself hope that we could be something together.

Hearing the bathroom door open I look up and see the main reason that high school sucks: Brett. He's been bullying me for as long as I can remember but no one listens when I try to say anything. I try to wipe away my tears as he smirks walking over to me. "Well well if it isn't my favorite punching bag. You crying like a baby, four eyes.?"

"I-I was just leaving." I get up and try to leave but he grabs the front of my shirt and slams me against the wall. "No no I don't think so. You've been avoiding me so cough up the lunch money."

"I-I don't have any....please just leave me alone...."

"Well if you don't have any money....." He punches me hard in the jaw and my glasses fall off my face onto the floor. He grabs the front of my shirt and lifts me off of the floor. "Then we are going to have a big problem."

"Leave him alone." Although I can't see him very well without my glasses I recognize Bill's voice.

"Stay out of this."

"You want money? Here, take the damn money." He tosses what looks like dollars at Brett. "Just leave him the hell alone." Brett drops me so I fall onto my behind as he picks up the money and walks out of the bathroom. I see Bill pick something up and put it on my face. As my vision clears I realize it's my glasses and the right lens is cracked. "You okay?"

"I told you to leave me alone....."

"Dipper, I seriously have no idea what I did to upset you like this. Just tell me what did I do to hurt you so bad?"

"I saw you with Mable in the east hallway."

"That? You're upset about that? Dipper, it's a huge misunderstanding."

"You were kissing her as she groped you."

"No she kissed me as her hand groped me. As soon as I felt her hand on me I shoved her off. I was just trying to go to the cafeteria when she approached me and started flirting. I tried to politely tell her to fuck off but she wouldn't take the hint. I have no feelings for her or any girl, I can promise you that."

"It really was just a misunderstanding?"

"Yes." He holds my face in his hands wiping away my remaining tears. "The only one that I want to be kissing is you." Before I can respond his lips softly meet mine.