Vivacious [H.S]

Forty Two

A/N: Finally a chapter, only 8 more to go! Are you all as excited as I am to see how this story goes? Don't forget to vote and comment, I want to know what you all think! 

Harry had felt pain before, all kinds of pain. He had been hit, punched, burned, whipped. He had felt the searing pain of a bullet rupturing your flesh as it invaded your body, he had felt the  paralyzing pain of a knife slicing your skin open, he had felt it all. Ever since the day he was born, his body had never not been covered in cuts and bruises, an image of a damaged soul. Yet, despite all this, despite being accustomed to all forms of pain; the guilt, loneliness, regret and mental anguish he was passing through right now felt worse than any physical suffering he had gone through before. 

It was raining outside, the sky darkened with clouds, perfectly matching his mood.  Next to him sat Aurelie, her head on his shoulder as her delicate fingers ran over the braille patterns of the book she was reading. Harry hadn't been home in several days, not since the night Zayn found out. He couldn't bring himself to go home knowing  no one would be waiting for him, knowing it was empty and that he had lost perhaps the only person who had ever truly cared about him. 

Beside him Aurelie's mind was also occupied, thoughts dominated by things other than the book in her hands. She couldn't help but think about Jax, she couldn't pinpoint what exactly about the man had her in such unease but the thought of him hadn't left her mind since their brief encounter at the school. She didn't understand how he could be so calm and still so concerned for her well-being, even after everything she put him through. She felt Harry sigh next to her and she turned to face him. 

"Are you alright?" She asked and he smiled gently before tucking a loose of strand of her hair behind her ear. 

"I just have a lot on mind." He said, the emotion in his voice unknowingly giving away just how broken he was feeling. 

"Haz, you don't sound so good, talk to me." Harry felt his heart sink at the familiar nickname and he shook his head, abruptly getting up. 

"There's nothing you can do about it anyway, so there's no need to burden you with it." Even if he wanted to, it's not like he could just easily tell the girl he fought so hard to get that he's upset because he had accidently killed his best friend's girlfriend, who now, as expected, wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. That would be practically asking Aurelie never to speak to him again. 

"Darling," Aurelie began, getting up and feeling the air for his hands. "Harry, that's what I'm here for. I'll be by your side for the good and the bad." She stood on her tiptoes and reached for his face, planting a soft and chaste kiss on lips. "I'm here for all the things I like about you but also to support you with all the things you may not like about yourself; whether it be your past or the present, I'm here for all of it." Harry grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands away from his face. A foreign wetness trickling down his cheek; he was overwhelmed with so many emotions he wasn't acccustomed to and he didn't know what to do with it. As a child all he felt was hurt and ever since then, in effort to protect himself, he vowed to never leave himself vulnerable like that again. This was something he achieved by sealing off any emotions that could make him malleable in other's hands. And so, feelings like guilt, empathy and sorrrow, he didn't know how to deal with it, he had never allowed himself to. 

The room felt like it was closing in on him, heart beating rapidly in his chest which felt constricted, as if someone was standing on top of it. His head was pounding and his skin was hot and clammy. His mind travelled from Zayn to Rose's dead eyes that stared holes into his soul, whatever was left of it. Aurelie's sincerity only made matters worse, for the first time ever, as he looked at the way she was there for him, with so much care and gentleness, he felt undeserving. He couldn't do this, be happy with someone who was potentially the love of his life while he had single-handedly taken that joy away from his best friend.