/A romantic novel with some features of a dystopia close to reality/
Vivian lives in a world where everything must go according to the plan.
Order and security are the foundation of this world, as well as total control and painful punishment for th...
God only knows what would have happened if Leo hadn't cut in.
What kind of idiot would bring Vivian straight to a place where no one knows how to keep their mouths shut?
It's all my fault.
"You're fucked, bro," Leo states the obvious fact when I get into the front seat of his car.
"You don't say," I drawl impassively.
My friend is making a disgruntled face.
"What's going on?" he starts to persecute me with his ever annoying questions.
"I need to escape somewhere. I wanted to finally feel the same today, to live my life again. I'm going crazy in her presence," I make an attempt to put the situation into words.
"In her presence or about her? There's a big difference," Leo says with a mysterious grin.
We both fall silent for a while.
"I even looked at Vivian while kissing Carine, so that nothing would happen to her at that time. Why did I get myself into this shit?"
I see Leo is not satisfied with my explanation.
"It seems to me you were looking at her for another reason," he goes all philASSopher on me again.
I'm not in the mood to rack my brain over his riddles.
"Spit it out," I command, trying to keep a straight face.
"You wanted to see her reaction," my friend states with obvious pleasure.
All these visions, sensations through the body, a sense of responsibility and care for a complete stranger that collapsed into me from nowhere...
"Admit it to yourself, Aiden," the scoundrel doesn't give up.
"Admit what?" I'm playing the fool.
"That you're in love with Vivian. And there's nothing wrong with that."
I turn to the window and sigh before answering him.
Such heart-to-heart conversations are always disgustingly awkward.
"'I should not love,'" I say firmly.
"Why? What did you make up about it?" Leo keeps pushing.
As if he doesn't know.
"Because everyone I love dies. Because Olivia was like Vivian and she died too," I begin to raise my voice, unable to restrain myself any longer.
Leo freezes, coming to his senses.
"To begin with, you've never loved Olivia, and Vivian isn't like her at all. I watched her all night: she took one sip of a cocktail and refused a cigarette. And, you know what," he adds after a short pause, "If we think about death all the time, it's better not to live at all. If you treat the girl like that, she'll run away from you soon. It's not her fault you reject your feelings."
I know my friend is right, but it's too hard for me to break down the walls I'm so used to.
"Let her run, it will be much better for her," I say confidently, though with poorly concealed bitterness.
"Would it be better for YOU?" Leo says, stopping the car and getting out, not waiting for an answer.
We buy groceries and takeaway food and quickly drive back to my apartment.
"What do you think I should do?" I ask eventually, seeking his advice.
"Just do everything the same as before - take care of her, show her the world, help her get comfortable and find herself. I know how possessive you are, you won't trust her to anyone. So be kind to her. Do the impossible for her, work miracles," he inspiringly instructs.
"And all this for what?" I chuckle ruefully.
"So that she would be happy and thus make you happy," Leo replies. "Your selfish ass probably assumed this is to make her fall in love with you?"
We both laugh.
"To be completely honest, I guess it's much more difficult for Vivian than for you," he continues, "It's not easy for her to distinguish her emotions and feelings, because she has had to suppress many of them for too long. Even if she feels something for you, she probably won't know about it - she needs to be led to thoughts, needs help to sort everything out."
He is unaware of the most important thing.
"Vivian doesn't want a relationship," I share frankly. "She's been under too much pressure about this for many years."
This information takes my friend off guard, but he quickly pulls himself together.
"Do you want one? I don't remember you dreaming of a family and children," Leo says mockingly.
"Yeah, that's right," I agree.
"You're the strangest couple I've ever met! You have literally been living together since you met! It's always the other way with you two somehow."
I don't correct Leo when he calls us a couple. I'm surprisingly pleased to hear that.
"Do you know what I'm really wondering about?" he asks with caution, and continues when I nod questioningly, sipping the hot coffee we bought when we were waiting for pizza. "Was it okay for you to make out with Carine in front of Vivian?"
I writhe, as if I drank acid instead of coffee.
"Nah, I wanted to wash my mouth with soap," I answer rudely but honestly. "I thought I could switch as easily as usual, but apparently our joke of a relationship with Carine has come to an end. I hope she won't be too upset."
I run my index finger along the rim of the lid of the coffee cup, falling into deep reflection.
«Are you ready to give up sex, taking into account the fact that Vivian doesn't reciprocate you?" Leo exclaims, clutching his heart in a dramatic gesture.
I roll my eyes in response.
"Shut up and drive," I tell him, taking long sips of the drink without stopping, in order to avoid further questions at least for a while.
However, unfortunately, it doesn't make the dude take a hint and keep his mouth shut.
"One thing I can tell you for sure: the last time I saw you as happy as you are now, was as a child, when..."
"When my parents were alive," I finish the sentence for him.
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