What If Just...

34 Aiden

"I really want to ask you something, but I'm afraid you'll get angry..." Vivian says carefully.

"I don't get why. Have I ever snapped at you?" I ask reproachfully.

She turns to face me, leaning against the concrete partition, which is just above her waistline, and looking into my eyes.

"Aiden...are you...still seeing Carine?" Vivian wonders quietly.

"No, that morning at Grace's was our last...meeting," I answer.

"So you haven't been with her all those days while we haven't talked?"

"No, what makes you think so?"

"From the conversation I've heard, I made a conclusion that you were together..." the girl is silent for a couple of seconds, then she continues, "Aiden, I can't understand what kind of relationship you two are in? She...she was in a lot of pain when she talked to you earlier..."

I take a deep breath.

"There is nothing serious between us and there has never been anything serious. We've just been, how should I put it...sex partners for a long time by mutual consent," I try to explain.

"How is that?" Vivian asks, puzzled.

"We agreed to sleep only with each other when we feel like this, in order to... you know, not to be with just anyone random. At that time, it seemed like a very convenient way out of the situation if you don't want to commit yourself to serious obligations."

Vivian still looks at me in confusion.

"And she agreed?" the girl asks softly.

"That's what SHE suggested," I admit.

Her eyes widen in surprise.

"I think it was a certain stage of growing up for both of us," I try to justify the stupidity of my youth.

Vivian sighs.
I knew she wouldn't understand my choices.

"Do you mean to say that after so many years of...intimacy...you have not...not imbued with feelings for each other?"

Sometimes this girl seems to quote lines from her books when speaking.

"No, Vivian. We discussed it right away," I explain.

"Seems like the agreement was violated on her part," she whispers sadly, turning back towards the lights.

This conversation is starting to lead us to a dead end.

"Why all these questions at all?" I begin to get angry and panic at the same time.

"To the fact that you ask me to be honest and frank with you, and you can't even tell me about your job," she says defiantly. "How can I trust you if you don't want to open up in response?"

I'm taken aback by her straightforwardness and serious demanding tone.
Is it really that important to her?

While I'm processing what happened, Vivian starts talking again.

"And you promised to tell me about Olivia."

"Okay, I'll tell you everything," I give up.

The night of Aiden Carter's revelations is officially considered open.

It's like I'm on some cheap talk show where people are eager to learn all the dirty secrets.

The only difference is that it's Vivian who's gonna listen to me, and she clearly doesn't perceive the situation as a funny entertainment.

I haven't been this nervous in a long time.
It's not easy to finally open up after not letting anyone in for what seems like eternity.

There are two ways out of this story: either she finds out everything and accepts me with all the shit of the past and present, or she will leave, no, run away from me without looking back.