Together at once!

A/N

I feel kinda bad bc I'm always putting notes in here 💀

I'm sorry I have barely posted any updates for awhile I've tried so many times to write something but then I lose the motivation. I was doing so well I was even taking care of myself but then last night I broke down bc I was overwhelmed with a bunch of thoughts and realization, it was a mess. I feel both mentally and physically drained that I can't get up out of bed anymore. I don't care to do anything and I'm always bored. I don't even feel like a kid and that's upsetting to me bc I want to go enjoy time with friends but my health stops that.
I feel so dead and lonely and the things that helped distract me no longer interests me. It's so bad that I'm starting to lose interest in the Dream smp and it makes me angry and sad because during my cousins death that was what kept me going at times. Watching Dream, Karl, Ranboo, George, Sapnap, and more it all made me happy and I'm losing energy to watch them and everything.

Something that I have caught onto is that I cannot eat anything. I'll get hungry and want something then when I go to get it I turn back around feeling sick to my stomach at the thought. My taste buds are off as well. The only I can do is drink. I do eat when I go out with my family and stuff but that's only when and the thought goes away then, it's weird. Another thing that's killing me is that I literally have nothing to do. I want to write on here because that's my passion but the thought makes me bored. I've always wanted to do cosplays and that thought isn't interesting anymore. My friends rarely talk to me anymore and I think that's something that is really hurting me.

I feel like I'm just moving backwards now. I'm going right back into my shell and grieving once again. Back into that state of depression but this time I have no one who is wanting to check on me and talk.

From last night I think I have anxiety. Last night, I won't get into much detail bc it'll just trigger me, but I was breaking down bc my mind was getting stacked with thoughts and realizations and it just pushed me. Its almost 2022 and I'm not mentally or physically prepared to enter and see what lies ahead. I had thoughts on my cousin and realized it's almost been a year without her and that really triggered something else that I don't want to speak abt bc I'm already getting upset over the thought. I'm taking a big step too I'll be in high school and that's scary. There's a lot more that I won't get into detail of bc I don't want to open up yet abt it.

Fun little update: me and my sister are now taking care of my cousins fish :)

I feel horrible for not posting anything or updating any stories. I'm losing interest in them and I hate it so much.

I am now lost for words rn I have nothing else rn.

Thank you all for 1k, I love you all and appreciate you so much. You guys mean so much to me, you've helped me through the tough times and I feel so blessed to have you guys. <3333 take care of yourself