Not Yours

V

                             Cyrille

Suot ang puting bulaklaking bestida, dahan-dahan akong naglakad papunta sa playground na madalas naming tambayang tatlo—madalas kami lang ni Kai. Mahigpit din ang kapit sa dalang shoulder-bag, kumukuha nang suporta.

"Sorry pinag-hintay kita."

Nginitian ko lang ang nagma-may-ari ng boses. "Kararating ko lang din naman, chill."  Ilang linggo na nga ba kaming hindi nagkita? Isa? Dalawa? Baka nga buwan na. Hindi ko alam. Ang importante lang nakita ko na siyang muli.

Bumaba ang kaniyang tingin sa tiyan kong hindi pa gan'on kalaki. "How are you? Sorry kung umalis ako kaagad. " Sabi ni Kai at inalis ang tingin sa tiyan ko.

Wala na ni-isa sa'min ang nagsalita pa. Mga mata'y nakatingin lang sa mga batang naglalaro. Nakangiti, nagtatakbuhan habang ang mga magulang ay nasa likod lamang, ang atensyon ay nasa mga anak na parang 'di mauubusan ng lakas kahit tumakbo maghapon.

"When I was a little, I never thought of having my own kid," Ani Kai habang nasa mga bata pa rin ang atensyon. "Ang sabi ko lang, mag-a-ampon ako kasi wala naman akong matres para magka-anak."

Pero ito na, magiging ama ka na.

Gusto kong sabihin pero wala akong lakas. Nanghihina ako, sobra. Pakiramdam ko sasabog na ang puso ko.

Hinawakan niya ang aking kamay at tinignan ako, tinging 'di ko maintindihan kung ano bang nais nitong iparating. "Let's get married."

                            Atlas

My chest hurts. The air on our dining table seems good but I'm trying to catch it. I feel my head ready to drop, my lungs are also ready to gave up. My hand gripping the chair as a support.

"Son, you alright?" Father ask. Tita's also looking at me with worried. Calm down. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me." I said, bringing myself to smile.

Tita didn't ask anymore and my dad nodded. I shouldn't act like this. They don't know what happened between the two of us and I don't have a plan to let them know either.

My father stands up, smiling. I don't know what's the occasion right now. Our relatives are here, even my grandparents. Anniversary? Random get together? I don't know.

Going home without anyone noticing me is the only option I had but how? Maybe telling them I got a call then le— "My son here, Kai, is going to be a dad soon."

As if I got cursed by Medusa, I sit still from my sit. Frozen, I hear something shatter. Is it a glass? A plate? All the utensils are sitting fine so does mine.

All of a sudden, dad place both his hands to my shoulders. "And because the two of them are close, like real siblings, you wouldn't mind if your big brother Atlas' going to be your best man, would you?" I glance at him and like me, he also forced a smile and nodded.

Does he hate me so much he even doesn't want me to be there? Well, I can decline the offer. I don't want it also anyway. I'd rather be at office, working than attending my brother's wedding.

I tap my dad's left hand. "I have to go. I remember, I have too much work in my plates. " I stood up and kiss Tita's cheeks.

Driving, a convenience store caught my attention. I'm thirsty anyway, maybe a drink wouldn't hurt.

                            Cyrille

Tama na. Tama na ang nakikita ko. Pagkalabas ni kuya Atlas, agad akong nagpaalam na lumabas. Masyado nang nakakasakal ang hangin sa loob, 'di ko kinakaya.